Progress I guess in Jessica and Me

So our conversation last week was I’m sure just the first of many that we’ll have about how to make our relationship work. We didn’t come to any major new agreements and things are still weird between us, but it was a step in the right direction.

The two things we discussed:

1 - Our relationship is not going to be monogamous. This is because I never wanted that in the first place, and she has shown from her actions that she doesn’t want it. We haven’t decided specifically how it’s going to work, just agreed that monogamy is not an option even open to discussion at this point.

2 - She is still going to fuck Kevin. Even though this kind of flows from the first thing, it surprised me. I thought she’d want to end that after all the problems it caused, but instead she made it very clear that she wants to keep doing it.

Two days later, we were talking about what to make for dinner and she seemed like she had something she wanted to say. Finally she said, “I don’t know how to bring this up, but I want to be straightforward with you. I’m going to meet up with Kevin tonight.”

I felt my eyes fill up with tears and I didn’t want to cry in front of her so I started to walk away. She stopped me and asked me what was wrong, and pointed out that I had agreed already with the idea that they’d continue to see each other.

I agreed, but pointed out that she and I haven’t had sex in more than two weeks, but she was still having regular sex with Kevin. She responded that it wasn’t a competition about who got the most sex. She said that I am her “number 1” and that I’m the woman she’s going to marry. I should feel secure about that and not worry about how much sex Kevin gets.

I was offended by this answer. I’d wanted her to assure me by having sex with me, not by talking about why how much sex we have doesn’t matter.

I cried in front of her, which I had been trying to avoid. I told her I wanted sex, but then told her I was feeling to unhappy at the moment, so I didn’t really want sex right then and there. She laughed, but I wasn’t trying to be funny.

We talked and cuddled for a little bit. We didn’t have sex. Then she left to go see Kevin.