it's not all bad in 2016

9:03am

So, I was about to start this entry a few minutes ago when I realized that I’d like a cup of coffee nearby. I wandered into the kitchen and started looking for my cup [the one from Nashville that I’ve basically used every morning since I got it..]. It was nowhere to be found. I checked all the usual places: cabinet, sink, drying, near the couch, counter, room, bathroom, outside. Nowhere!

I knew I’d had it yesterday so it was really weird for it to go missing. I was standing in the kitchen contemplating what could have possibly happened when the light bulb went off above my head and I started laughing out loud....it was in the microwave. haha!

I must have put it in there yesterday right around the time that I realized I needed to rush to get to the office and forgot all about it. Silly girl.

Anyway, update on TF: after I got home from the office I remembered that we’d talked about making chocolate cupcakes with nuts to take to dinner. Mom had mentioned wanting to kill some time so I figured I’d go ahead and whip them up real quick. [Of course she later got home and tried rushing me out the door. Typical…]

As I was getting started with this I still had all those thoughts running through my head. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I composed a new e-mail and said hi. He responded about 10 minutes later, “well hello beautiful friend.” Which kinda kills me. I think he says it because he thinks that’s what girls like to hear? I don’t know. It doesn’t seem legit. But I’m also super cautious about these things. So whatever.

I asked what he was up to but by the time we’d left the house about 45 minutes later he still hadn’t responded. When I got home I found a response saying he’d given the puppy a bath and was getting ready for homework with his son.

sidenote: I have noticed that he’s been more open with personal details lately. Like he never brings his son up via text, only mentioning him in person, and now he does. He gives me those little life updates and I’d like to think it’s because he’s getting more comfortable with me. You never know, but I do enjoy the idea of that. Of knowing the little things he’s doing during the day instead of just the superficial surface stuff people tend to talk about. :)

Also, second sidenote: because I know I always forget to mention these things when I’m working through a certain thought. Despite everything that’s going on, I have noticed that he’s been really good about not mentioning anything about “wanting to kiss me” or any weird inappropriate comments since that whole we’re way too different conversation. He seems to have taken it to heart and has totally backed off in that sense. Which is good, you know, that he’s willing to change and maybe try to work it out with me.
Not that I want to change him! Just that he was coming on super strong and it freaked me out. Get to know me a little first!

Ok, so yeah, I replied to the e-mail after I saw it. Saying that was sweet [that darn cute/ugly puppy ha] and I asked about homework and said I hoped it wasn’t too complicated. I mentioned that I’d been baking cupcakes to take to a friend’s for dinner. That’s all.

He never responded last night. I don’t think he’d be asleep that early. He sure responds to texts after 8. And he has yet to say anything this morning.

I’m definitely not reaching out to him today. I’ve already done it two days in a row and I’m kinda feeling bad about it. Like maybe he was busy, or trying to back away for a couple days and I didn’t let him. Although coming back with that whole “beautiful friend” thing is confusing.

I was only trying so hard because I wanted to make plans with him for today. That damn deadline! It made me act out of character. Oh well though. It is what it is.

If we miss out on today then maybe I’ll hold out a little hope for some random day between now and the end of the year. I doubt it though. I don’t blame him for having so many responsibilities, it just makes it kinda hard to hang out and get to know him.

That’s life, I guess. I am happy in general though! Like when I stop to think about it, and remind myself, I am doing so well right now! I can’t let this get to me and I think the only reason that I have is because I feel like I’m running out of time.

There’s plenty of time though. I mean, God willing, there will be plenty of time after the season where we can reconnect if that’s what’s supposed to happen. I’ve gotta stop thinking about this as “the end” and start considering it might just be the beginning. =)

That should help. The pressure’s off now. Whatever happens, happens.
[and maybe I won’t get to make that confession, but that’s not my fault. I tried. It’s not like I’m hiding it on purpose. The more time that passes the harder it seems to say, but I don’t really have any other options right now…]

So that’s all for now. I want to go finish those Christmas lights outside so I can pack up the extra boxes and get them out of the courtyard. I also have to work on those cards that I barely even touched yesterday.

‘Tis the season. It’s time to enjoy it!

rose.
9:37am

Last updated December 11, 2016