We are moving in two days, and I am clearly not packing. But more about that later.
Me: (9:04:25 PM): so
Me: (9:04:27 PM): amusing claim:
Me: (9:04:34 PM): I have been to a party at bonnie's house
Tom: (9:04:44 PM): heh
Tom: (9:04:56 PM): I collapsed in tears once at Bonnie's house?
Me: (9:05:03 PM): wait, really?
Tom: (9:05:06 PM): Yeah
Me: (9:05:14 PM): ...why?
Tom: (9:05:16 PM): Long story.
Me: (9:05:21 PM): oh
Me: (9:05:32 PM): well
Me: (9:05:42 PM): all I did was watch pride and predjudice
Me: (9:05:48 PM): that is not a very long story at all.
Tom: (9:06:00 PM): I was there with [bonnie's sister] and some other people
Tom: (9:06:07 PM): after I broke up with katherine
Me: (9:06:12 PM): ohhh
Tom: (9:06:13 PM): also not a very long story
Me: (9:07:07 PM): college sounds scary
Me: (9:07:09 PM): and arbitrary
Me: (9:07:11 PM): and drunk.
Tom: (9:07:24 PM): ?
Me: (9:07:44 PM): there were college kids there
Me: (9:07:48 PM): and they were talking about college
Tom: (9:07:56 PM): who?† anyone I know?
Me: (9:08:02 PM): well [bonnie's sister]
Me: (9:08:06 PM): and liz
Me: (9:08:08 PM): and katherine
Me: (9:08:11 PM): and some girl I don't know
Me: (9:08:21 PM): they all are like
Me: (9:08:26 PM): majoring in something random
Me: (9:08:33 PM): for no particular reason
Tom: (9:08:43 PM): hah
Me: (9:08:46 PM): and uh
Me: (9:08:50 PM): everyone's drunk all the time
Me: (9:08:55 PM): and they won't stop talking about facebook
Tom: (9:09:29 PM): haha
Tom: (9:09:41 PM): Fuck 'em.
Me: (9:09:52 PM): but we'll be them in a year
Tom: (9:10:42 PM): Nah.
Tom: (9:10:58 PM): We'll still be us, you know.
Tom: (9:11:01 PM): But different
Me: (9:11:07 PM): yeah, I know
Tom: (9:11:07 PM): because everything changes.
Tom: (9:15:14 PM): How fucked up is that?† I still almost miss Katherine.
Tom: (9:15:25 PM): Objectively, I don't give a damn about her.
Me: (9:15:31 PM): that's not fucked up
Tom: (9:15:31 PM): But...
Tom: (9:15:36 PM): Yeah, it is.
Me: (9:15:42 PM): how long ago did you break up?
Tom: (9:16:13 PM): over a year?
Tom: (9:16:25 PM): I havent really had a decent relationship since though.
Me: (9:16:31 PM): I mean, it took me about that long with adam
Me: (9:16:38 PM): and objectively, I HATED him
Me: (9:16:45 PM): it didn't even "not give a damn about him."
Tom: (9:16:51 PM): haha
Me: (9:16:59 PM): emotions don't do what you tell them to.
Tom: (9:17:09 PM): Objectively, Katherine was a real bitch.
Tom: (9:17:21 PM): It'd be nice to have a real relationship again though.
Me: (9:17:28 PM): I dunno
Tom: (9:17:29 PM): haha! Dave and Molly
Me: (9:17:33 PM): I try not to think that way
Tom: (9:17:34 PM): they amuse me
Me: (9:17:37 PM): why?
Tom: (9:17:43 PM): I don't know
Me: (9:18:17 PM): I was expecting that situation to suck more than it does
Tom: (9:18:30 PM): Them?
Me: (9:18:48 PM): what?
Me: (9:18:52 PM): well I mean
Me: (9:18:59 PM): I was expecting it to be extremely awkward
Me: (9:19:01 PM): it's really not
Me: (9:20:04 PM): sometimes I get mad at myself for wanting relationships for the sake of them
Me: (9:20:12 PM): and then I'm like, "wait, what's wrong with that?"
Me: (9:20:20 PM): and then I'm like "It's stupid"
Tom: (9:20:23 PM): theres nothing wrong with that
Me: (9:20:33 PM): ehhh
Me: (9:20:40 PM): wishy washy noise
Tom: (9:28:32 PM): Well
Tom: (9:28:38 PM): whats wrong with it then?
Me: (9:28:50 PM): well
Me: (9:29:12 PM): if I were dating someone
Me: (9:29:25 PM): I would like to think that they were dating me because I am just that awesome
Me: (9:29:32 PM): not just because they need a girlfriend.
Me: (9:29:54 PM): so I figure other people feel that way too
Tom: (9:29:54 PM): but unless they're actually interested in you as a person
Me: (9:30:04 PM): so I figure I should respect their feelings
Tom: (9:30:05 PM): you dont really satisfy for a long term relationship
Me: (9:30:12 PM): that's true
Me: (9:30:29 PM): but still
Me: (9:30:39 PM): I figure if you date someone who doesn't date very oftten
Me: (9:30:41 PM): slash
Me: (9:30:48 PM): if you don't date very often
Me: (9:30:58 PM): it makes it better when you actually do?
Me: (9:31:05 PM): but I am wishy washy on the subject
Me: (9:31:27 PM): perhaps I just use it as a coverup for being bad at relationships
Me: (9:31:47 PM): or perhaps I am an obnoxoius feminist snob
Me: (9:31:52 PM): perhaps I will go to the bathroom
Tom: (9:31:59 PM): uh
Me: (9:32:14 PM): or perhaps I won't, since it is occupied.
Tom: (9:32:15 PM): I think maybe theres some fear of relationships there
Tom: (9:32:23 PM): rejection is typically my issue.
Me: (9:32:36 PM): hm
Me: (9:32:55 PM): since we're already getting slightly soul-bear-y
Me: (9:33:06 PM): sometimes I psychoanylize myself concerning the julian issue
Me: (9:33:13 PM): and I think it might be a case of
Me: (9:33:24 PM): "let's fixate on someone
Me: (9:33:38 PM): who is the least likely person EVER to actually want to be in a relationship."
Tom: (9:33:47 PM): so
Tom: (9:33:54 PM): fear of actually being in a relationship
Tom: (9:33:55 PM): why?
Me: (9:34:00 PM): ummm
Me: (9:34:03 PM): I dunno
Me: (9:34:07 PM): people creep me out
Me: (9:34:16 PM): specifically when they know lots of things about me
Tom: (9:34:49 PM): oh
Tom: (9:34:50 PM): well
Tom: (9:35:00 PM): that sounds like Issues.
Tom: (9:35:03 PM): Why?
Me: (9:36:04 PM): uh
Me: (9:36:07 PM): I don't know
Me: (9:37:00 PM): it's not like there are specific things I don't want people to know
Me: (9:37:19 PM): I guess
Me: (9:37:24 PM): distance is just comfortable
Me: (9:37:28 PM): and then there's that whole
Me: (9:37:40 PM): risk of getting your heart ripped out if you make an emotional investment thing
Tom: (9:37:47 PM): yeah, sure
Tom: (9:37:53 PM): but people attach to strange things anyway
Tom: (9:38:07 PM): Its not like its not going to happen if you ignore it.
Me: (9:38:56 PM): that's true
Me: (9:39:07 PM): but I think there is a difference between attachment
Me: (9:39:12 PM): and mutual attatchment
Me: (9:39:20 PM): like, a significant difference
Tom: (9:40:12 PM): which isnt going to help when the bad parts happen
Me: (9:41:01 PM): I might disagree there
Me: (9:41:09 PM): getting rejected vs. getting dumped
Me: (9:41:13 PM): there is a big difference.
Tom: (9:41:21 PM): mm, yes
Tom: (9:41:27 PM): but heres the twist
Tom: (9:41:43 PM): between getting dumped and never asking for that fear, do you know what the difference is?
Me: (9:41:59 PM): ok, I lost you
Me: (9:42:12 PM): are you implying that a relationship is good enough to make getting dumped worth it?
Tom: (9:42:24 PM): absolutely
Tom: (9:42:26 PM): anyway
Tom: (9:42:27 PM): so
Tom: (9:42:32 PM): you know what the difference is?
Me: (9:42:35 PM): what.
Me: (9:42:39 PM): what is the difference.
Tom: (9:42:41 PM): almost nil
Me: (9:42:46 PM): alright
Me: (9:42:46 PM): so
Tom: (9:42:48 PM): you never ask
Me: (9:42:49 PM): I'm fine
Tom: (9:43:19 PM): because the mind plays over every possible rejection, heartbreak, disdained scenario it can concieve
Tom: (9:43:22 PM): over and over again
Me: (9:43:44 PM): that is true.
Me: (9:44:16 PM): of course
Me: (9:44:32 PM): there is a perfectly logical, non psychological issues explanation
Me: (9:44:34 PM): which is
Me: (9:44:47 PM): I just do not get crushes very often
Me: (9:44:52 PM): therefor do not date that often
Me: (9:45:00 PM): normal, fine, period.
Me: (9:45:14 PM): no psychological issues
Tom: (9:45:21 PM): dating doesnt grow out of crushes
Me: (9:45:45 PM): well, certainly that is a componant?
Me: (9:46:00 PM): why would you date someone you did not have a crush on?
Tom: (9:47:39 PM): if I had a genuine emotional attachment to them, yes
Me: (9:48:02 PM): "genuine emotional attachment?"
Me: (9:48:09 PM): you mean
Me: (9:48:15 PM): dating your friends=happiness?
Tom: (9:48:28 PM): no, no
Me: (9:48:28 PM): regardless of intuitive attraction?
Me: (9:49:16 PM): in that case
Me: (9:49:19 PM): I don't know what you mean
(seven minutes later:)
Me: (9:56:12 PM): so you should explain what you mean.
Me: (9:56:28 PM): poke
(four minutes later:)
Tom: (10:00:03 PM): I'm thinking
Me: (10:00:07 PM): wow
Tom: (10:00:15 PM): crushes are inherently short term
Me: (10:00:16 PM): this better be one deep explanation
Me: (10:00:28 PM): perhaps I should have found a better word
Me: (10:00:35 PM): we're talking...
Me: (10:00:40 PM): one to two year crushes here
Tom: (10:00:48 PM): thats not a crush
Tom: (10:00:51 PM): thats a relationship
Me: (10:00:58 PM): even if it's one way?
Tom: (10:01:32 PM): well
Tom: (10:01:45 PM): thats an infatuation
Tom: (10:01:48 PM): or something similar
Me: (10:01:53 PM): okay
Tom: (10:02:03 PM): damn, didnt you ever see that little diagram from health?
Me: (10:02:08 PM): um
Me: (10:02:11 PM): the triangle one
Me: (10:02:13 PM): ?
Tom: (10:02:22 PM): yeah
Tom: (10:02:27 PM): thats the one
Me: (10:02:49 PM): um
Me: (10:02:56 PM): so we'd be talking
Me: (10:03:06 PM): intimacy, attraction, no commitment
Me: (10:03:11 PM): well
Tom: (10:03:12 PM): mm, no
Tom: (10:03:14 PM): that'd be
Tom: (10:03:22 PM): attraction, no intimacy/commitment
Me: (10:03:30 PM): well I mean
Tom: (10:03:31 PM): or maybe
Tom: (10:03:38 PM): attraction/commitment
Tom: (10:03:42 PM): or just commitment
Tom: (10:03:46 PM): depending on the situation
Me: (10:04:03 PM): why not intimacy?
Me: (10:04:06 PM): if you're friends
Me: (10:04:12 PM): or does that not count
Tom: (10:04:15 PM): nope
Tom: (10:04:22 PM): doesnt count
Me: (10:04:25 PM): but I believe the friendship one has intimacy as one of the sides
Tom: (10:04:39 PM): different kind of intimacy
Me: (10:05:06 PM): I suppose if you're committed to the idea of someone
Me: (10:05:10 PM): I dunno
Me: (10:05:16 PM): why are we defining words?
Me: (10:05:24 PM): I forgot what we were talking about
Tom: (10:05:52 PM): relationships
Me: (10:05:59 PM): well yes but
Me: (10:06:01 PM): within that
Tom: (10:07:25 PM): your fear of a longterm relationship --> Julian --> various kinds of relationships
Me: (10:07:32 PM): um
Me: (10:07:33 PM): okay
Me: (10:07:43 PM): I think you said something about "genuine emotional attachment"
Me: (10:07:50 PM): and I got confused as to what that meant
Me: (10:07:55 PM): if it does not mean friendship
Tom: (10:08:59 PM): well
Tom: (10:09:05 PM): friendship is different
Me: (10:09:52 PM): how so?
Tom: (10:10:09 PM): a friendship is complete of itself
Tom: (10:10:26 PM): a relationship
Tom: (10:10:29 PM): as in
Tom: (10:10:40 PM): singnificant other, boyfriend/girlfriend
Tom: (10:10:47 PM): is entirely different
Tom: (10:10:56 PM): there needs to be physical attraction
Tom: (10:11:03 PM): attraction to the personality
Tom: (10:11:13 PM): and an honest commitment
Me: (10:11:39 PM): thank you, doctor tom.
Me: (10:11:44 PM): go be on oprah.
Me: (10:12:10 PM): I still think
Tom: (10:12:10 PM): oprah is shit
Me: (10:12:15 PM): yeah I know
Me: (10:12:18 PM): don't be on oprah
Me: (10:12:23 PM): but I still think
Me: (10:12:28 PM): that what I'm calling a crush
Me: (10:12:35 PM): is implied in what you're saying
Me: (10:12:43 PM): I think that that is a good place to start
Tom: (10:12:52 PM): crushes go away
Tom: (10:12:54 PM): three months
Tom: (10:13:00 PM): thats a statistical fact
Me: (10:13:13 PM): I have never had a crush that went away in three months.
Me: (10:13:17 PM): that is also
Me: (10:13:21 PM): a statistical fact
Tom: (10:14:10 PM): then
Tom: (10:14:24 PM): you probably have some sort of attachment issues
Tom: (10:14:25 PM): as in
Tom: (10:14:38 PM): you romanticize and idealize the idea of the partner
Tom: (10:14:48 PM): whereas the actual individual
Tom: (10:15:05 PM): never measures up to the ur-masculine that the mind conjures
Me: (10:15:47 PM): wait, the what that the mind conjures?
Me: (10:15:53 PM): I uh
Me: (10:16:06 PM): that's not in the computer dictionary
Tom: (10:16:15 PM): like
Tom: (10:16:19 PM): the concept
Tom: (10:16:21 PM): the idea
Tom: (10:16:36 PM): the in mens perfection
Me: (10:16:52 PM): that
Me: (10:16:53 PM): also
Me: (10:16:58 PM): is not in the computer dictionary
Me: (10:16:59 PM): but oka
Me: (10:17:01 PM): y.
Tom: (10:17:09 PM): thats because its latin
Me: (10:17:48 PM): alright
Me: (10:17:53 PM): what you are saying is true
Me: (10:17:58 PM): fine
Me: (10:18:00 PM): .
Tom: (10:18:04 PM): what?
Me: (10:18:17 PM): I was aknowledging
Me: (10:18:33 PM): that you have correctly interpreted my psychological issues to the best of my knowledge.
Tom: (10:18:48 PM): it is as it is
Me: (10:19:03 PM): pf.
Me: (10:19:07 PM): go be a philosophy major.
Tom: (10:19:10 PM): I am planning to be
Me: (10:19:13 PM): yeah I know
Me: (10:19:19 PM): that's why it was not a very good insult
Me: (10:21:10 PM): Imma pack now
Tom: (10:21:25 PM): well, cool
Tom: (10:21:27 PM): have fun?
Me: (10:21:33 PM): oh I will.
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