Me: hey
Eric: Hey
Me: Mr. Thomas told me today that you're drum major
Me: just wanted to let you know I know
Me: and that I think you'll be awesome
Eric: Oh, thanks
Me: and that there are not any kind of stupid grudges or anything
Eric: Its kinda a secret
Me: yeah, I know
Me: I haven't told anyone
Eric: Ok, cool, I didnt think you'd mind, he said youd likely be an assistant
Me: yeah, he told me I was
Me: he doesn't know who else is yet though
Eric: sweet
Eric: (not adam?)
Me: oh god I hope not
Me: he's in two of my classes already
Me: and one of them's chinese
Me: and he's going to pretend to know chinese
Eric: ew
Eric: ew
Eric: gross
Eric: Im sorry
Me: yeah
Me: anyway
Me: I'm in a bit of a farty mood
Me: but it's not at you, really
Me: and I'll get over it
Eric: Its gonna be fun
Eric: (its not adam or sarah yay!)
Me: yes
Me: yes, that was the most important thing
Eric: God, it was so awkward staying with sarah
Me: eugh
Eric: she was convinced it was her
Me: yeah, I know
Eric: and i just kinda giggled
Me: how's that situation going?
Eric: actually...
Eric: I'm back at my house now!
Eric: it might be slightly illeagal, but
Eric: the important thing is that I'm back.
Me: Oh
Me: That's cool.
Once again something bad has happened, and once again the best way to describe how I'm feeling about it is "surprisingly okay." This feeling came on surprisingly quickly. I guess part of the reason it hurt so much when I found out was that I was expecting to get drum major, and I had pretty much already gotten used to the idea. But it didn't take me very long at all to get used to the idea of being assistant instead. It's a totally different job with totally different responsabilities, and I figured it would still be pretty awesome, especially if Dave were the other one, and even if Schultz were. Schultz is a cool guy. I also started to accept the fact that Mr. Thomas had good reasons to choose Eric over me, and that these reasons were not necessarily that he is better musician/bandie/person than I am. I think the most important thing he has is showmanship. What I think happened (or at least what I'm choosing to believe) is that Mr. Thomas wanted a Gordon drum major instead of an Alice one. And honestly, I don't think I blame him. If it came down to pure musicianship, I think Alice would win. But Gordon just had this amazing presence on the field... And off it, for that matter. I'm sure Eric will too. I'm not sure I would.
It also occoured to me when I was talking to him that Eric has been homeless for the past three months, whereas I am moving into what is essentially my dream house in a few days. Whether or not this had anything to do with Mr. Thomas' decision, it puts things into perspective a little.
So I stopped being upset about not getting drum major almost immediately. All that was left, really, was the faint but distinct feeling of having been defeated. I'm not even sure by what. Overall, it was not nearly as bad as getting dumped, and after some consideration, I decided that it wasn't even nearly as bad as getting rejected.
What I really got upset over was finding out that Adam is the other assistant.
My mom told me when she picked me up from work - Mr. Thomas sent an email just to the parent officers for some reason. I flipped out. I swore and I cried. I said that I couldn't work with him, I couldn't, and that Dave and Schultz had been screwed over because they're way more qualified than Adam is and people respect them and no one respects Adam, and that it wasn't fair, and that Mr. Thomas must have been both corrupted and out of his mind. I was sure that the leadership was going to fall apart and that the band was going to be terrible and that all year was just going to be a sucky, awkward power struggle that would make me loathe that which I have loved more than anything for three years. I insisted that I had to talk to Mr. Thomas or write to him or something and tell him that everyone hates Adam, especially me, and that there was very nearly a clarinet mutiny this year because of him, and, most of all, that he seriously considers quitting band every single year. I just kept saying that I hate him. Hate him hate him hate him. I hate talking to him. I hate being in the same room with him. I hate every aspect of his personality. And I can't work with him and it's going to suck, and why would Mr. Thomas do this to me!? I threw an absolute fucking tantrum.
My mother just kind of agreed with me for most of it, and then she asked if I wanted to talk to Eric. I said, "Yes! Yes, I want to talk to Eric!" My mother drove out of her way, and we showed up at his house, and I got out of the car and knocked on the door. All the lights were off, and there was no car in the driveway, and it was all around pretty hard to believe that anyone had even moved back in.
No one answered. I waited a minute and knocked again, and again, no one answered. I had started to walk back to the car when I heard Eric open the door. "Hey," he said.
"Hey," I said. "Look, I... Do you... Was your mom home today?"
"No," he said.
"Oh, then you wouldn't know... Adam's the other assistant drum major, and I'm freaking out, and I really don't know how I'm going to handle it, and I wanted to know if you'll come talk to Mr. Thomas about it with me."
"Well I mean, it sucks but... I don't know if we can do that. It doesn't suck that bad."
"But -"
"Do you want to come in and have something to drink?"
"Well... Okay... What's my mom going to do?" She was still in the car, waiting in Eric's driveway.
"Hey, Mrs. O'Connor!" he shouted. "Would you like to come in and have something to drink?"
"I would love to Eric," she said. "Unless you two need space or anything..."
"It'll be fine," I said.
"Yes," he said. "Come in. Come into my house."
We went in. He poured me a ginger ale. "Look, normally I'd be taking this really badly, but... I'm just really excited to be back in my house. Did you see the nice flowers the Aubreys* sent us?" He pointed to them and smiled, and then stepped on a series of large ants that were crawling across the floor. He kept making comments like this about being back in his house for the whole time we were there, which might have been an hour. During that time, he was extraordinarily nice, and extraordinarily rational, and extraordinarily funny in an Eric sort of way. He made the following points:
"Mr. Thomas didn't really have a choice. I mean, he's been in the band for like, five years, and if he picked anyone else, both assistant drum majors would be from the same section. Low brass can't just take over the band."
"Um... We outnumber him, and I outrank him, so... I seriously don't see where he'll be a problem. I seriously think that you and me should just run the band, and let him think that he's doing something. I mean, RJ didn't do shit this year."
"If no one likes him, then no one will listen to him. I mean, seriously, the clarinets don't even listen to him."
"It would be really immature of us to go to Mr. Thomas and just be like, 'um... we don't like him.'"
Then we just talked about whatever for a while. At one point, Eric's fourteen year old basset hound hobbled over to me, sniffed my shoes, and peed on the floor. Eric cheerfully mopped it up and continued talking. He said that he had been genuinely surprised to find out that he was drum major - he thought for sure it was going to be me. He asked me which side of him I wanted to march on. "Because considering the circumstances, I think you should get first pick." When I appologized for just showing up at his door and freaking out on him, he acted like it wasn't weird at all.
It's weird how Eric is simultaneously such a jerk and such a nice guy.
He has a point. He has several points. I'm not going to die. And Adam cannot single handedly make band suck. And Eric and I will still be great together. It'll be fine. But I still feel really bad for Dave and Schultz. Especially Schultz, since I think he wanted assistant about as bad as I wanted drum major, and, unlike me, he'll have to deal with someone being incompetant at it all year.
Ugh, I just wish he'd quit after the first time he threatened to.
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