birds in flight in 2016

12:16pm

Where did the morning go? I think I completely missed it today. Whoops. =]

I was actually being productive though! So that’s a plus. We’ve been marking inventory for mom’s business since right after breakfast this morning.

I made the mistake of falling asleep on the couch last night. I just couldn’t help myself, even though we were right in the middle of a movie, but I was super relaxed and passed out for an hour. Then when I tried to go back to sleep in my own bed I ended up lying there until after 1am. Once my brain gets started it tends to run wild so that wasn’t helpful.

Also, some time later in the night [morning?] I had a terrible nightmare where my mother had fallen over on the couch, without losing consciousness, and then said her brain wasn’t working properly. Over and over. And I couldn’t figure out what to do so I started to panic. I woke up pretty quickly, but damn that was not a fun one.

I never got around to mentioning that intense dream I had a while ago, did I?
Well it was a dream of my uncle, the one that passed away at the end of last year. It was so vivid too! The way that I was sitting in my room and he just walked right up to me. I remember thinking, in the dream, that he shouldn’t be there. He wasn’t supposed to be real, but he felt so real. I don’t remember everything. I just remember hugging on to him and then walking him out to his car talking about how he had a doctor’s appointment and needed to tell the doctor everything that was going on with his heart. We got out to his car and I leaned in to hug him really tight and give him a kiss on the cheek while telling him that I loved him. That he’d always been so good to us and that I really appreciated everything he’d done.

I never kissed him or told him I loved him in real life. We’re just not that type of family. Especially that half of it. So it felt a lot like I was saying good bye, even though in the dream there was no finality to it. It was just like every other time he’d left. But I woke up feeling like he’d been right there in my room. Like he wanted me to know everything was ok. That he was ok and that he knew I loved him.

It was crazy. I cannot remember the last time I’ve had a dream like that, if ever. Interesting that these last few months have been so hard for me too. There were several days there a couple months ago where I was deeply depressed and sad about it all. I’m better now, but still. That was a much better way to wake up.

Apparently all I’ve been talking about lately is TF because this is going to turn into a hodge podge of memories/things that have happened recently. I guess regular life isn’t important enough to make the time to sit down and type out. hah.

Turns out that I’m not the only person in the world who feels a connection to animals. I was reading an article on empaths recently and I guess they tend to have a strong sense of animal emotions as well as human ones. Nice not to be the only crazy one out there. ;)

So last Tuesday night, I think, we were coming home from work and as we rounded the corner onto our block a huge owl swooped down and crossed right over our car. It got really close too, like maybe a foot above us. We were able to see it as it went through the light at the neighbor’s house. Super cool! I swear that’s my spirit animal right there. They always turn up like that.

Then the next day I had just finished the lawn outside and was bending over to dump the bag when I heard the really distinct cry of a hawk. I glanced up to see a pair of red-tailed hawks flying low to the ground and circling right above our house. They circled for about a minute and then started flying off into the distance. I watched them for a while and they never called out again, or came that close over any of the other houses. Pretty strange, and amazing at the same time! Like they were calling out so that I’d notice them. I do love those birds!

It’s been the week of birds too because on Friday we were out back slicing boards with the chain saw [ because we’re bad a** like that ;) ] and I was facing away since I wasn’t wearing protective glasses. This tiny little hummingbird flew right above my head and started hovering around. It looked like it would immediately fly off since we were making so much noise, but I started whistling at it and it seemed to come closer.

It eventually landed in the tree and settled there for a bit before I moved and it flew off. It was at this moment that I looked down from where it was sitting and noticed the old cart we have in the back. It was my dad’s and it has the words “grapes of wrath” written across the front. And I remembered how TF told me during our dinner that Steinbeck was the one author whose books he’d actually read and enjoyed. Weird coincidence the way I’ve always connected with hummingbirds and it seemed to be drawing my eye in that direction. Also weird that that would happen to be the author he enjoys.

There were other moments too. I just don’t remember them right now. But it’s been interesting. Connections, coincidences, life and this crazy universe. =)

Just to get it out of the way: TF sent me a text at 7am this morning and I could not go back to sleep. =( Then I was contemplating a reply around 9 when he sent another text. It was a picture, which was weird, he’s never sent one of those before. Turned out to be a picture of the cutest/ugliest puppy I’ve ever seen and he said Christmas had come early for his son.

I ended up asking if it was ok if I e-mailed him. He’d sent us an e-mail at work the other day so I figured he did actually use it. I told a little white lie and said my phone was being weird, but honestly I just prefer e-mail. hah! These days everyone gets e-mails on their phone anyway so it’s basically the same as texting for them. He said it was fine. So I sent over an e-mail response about the cute ugly puppy and reminded him about a work thing. He responded the same way he does to texts. Few words, quickly sent. haha.

He said he’d forgotten to look for the paperwork. I said I’d figured that, hence my friendly reminder. He said, “thank you friend!” and then included, “ps, I think you’re pretty awesome!” ha. I made a comment about how nice it was that he was back to calling me his friend and because I’m super cool I said that I thought he was pretty awesome too…most days =P Lol. He stopped responding after that. hah.

We’ll see how long the e-mail thing lasts. I really do prefer it. I tend to be around the computer more than my phone and it does equal the same thing for everyone else, I think.

I have a lot more to say about our text exchanges over the weekend. Hopefully I’ll remember to come back and type that out. I haven’t really left the table since this morning, but I’m hungry again and need to get up and move before my body goes numb.

rose.
3:04pm