T - 2 in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

  • Dec. 5, 2016, 9:52 a.m.
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So, I may be setting myself up for a brutal fall but at least this opportunity gives all of you a far different look into who I am (perhaps). I don’t necessarily wear my heart on my sleeve; but I certainly don’t go out of my way to inhibit my emotions. While my logical side is screaming that there were likely dozens of more qualified, more experienced candidates that applied for the job (and thus more likely to get the job); I am overwhelmed with hope and excitement at the chance of returning home. More than that, I am overwhelmed with professional hope and excitement at the chance of working in a team of professionals that can bolster one another and aid in times of trouble or confusion.

I’ve clearly been in a small area for too long because as soon as I saw a Traffic Light again, I nearly wept. I was actually thankful to be caught in Downtown Des Moines Rush Hour on Friday. This is how truly empty it is in my county. No traffic lights… in the entire county. A “traffic jam” is when cars are caught behind a tractor in a no passing zone. So… hitting stop lights and being surrounded by vehicles stuck in traffic? Honestly… I felt at home and got a little emotional about it. Which… instantly makes me think I am a sick, sick man. lol.

In the interview itself? I… uh… gosh, I hope I did okay. I tried to talk up how I worked completely alone and how my boss wasn’t even in the same city… as a way of saying “I am capable and I can handle anything. Seriously, I’ve been self taught.” But sometimes that can come across as sounding negative which is bad. At the question of resolving conflict, I used an Ethics Example where I had to be willing to upset the Sheriff, and they asked for the Sheriff’s name. I discussed how between Omaha and Tiny Town, I’ve seen some awful violence towards children and awful neglect towards children so that… frankly, if you can see that kind of darkness and know that you still want to do the job, it is a good sign. BUT… I also rambled and didn’t explain myself clearly in some situations. SO… really, I guess, all I can do is pray my hands off!

Saturday was REALLY fun in Omaha and had numerous bouts of riotous laughter. And then it started to snow fairly hard. It was… a very nervous and extended drive back to Tiny Town that night, I assure you!

Here’s where it gets.... funny? Among the many promises I’ve made to my Creator, I promised I would not complain. IF God was preparing me for a Dream Job, I should accept the pains and struggles of the now as the Boot Camp and work through it. Which has already proved difficult this morning. (1) More applicants for County Attorney have withdrawn their applications because the Board has acted so inappropriately. This almost guarantees that the least qualified candidate will be selected for the position. (2) The bloody Hog Confinement thing is still an issue. Boss called asking me about it, I told her what I know and she wants me to keep looking into it. At an impasse, I’ve decided to simply announce to the Board what I told my boss. (3) The State requires an update on Cases every month. One of the joys of having a Paperless System is that such an update can be handled easily. As we are a Manual System in this county, we must compile it all by hand. The State called us saying our update was late.

All of that happened within the first 60 minutes of work. But I’m biting the wooden spoon handle and just going along because if there is something better coming, I can accept all of the bad. But that is why things have been so rocky before this. When the “Want Ads” dry up, when the opportunities disappear… it is very very hard to see what any of this may be “preparing me for.”

AND here’s a TMI that nobody wants....
I actually can’t remember the last time my wife and I had sex. I’m not upset about it… she feels as bad about this place as I do, if not worse, and that certainly doesn’t help put someone in the mood. However, I also haven’t self-released in a while. Thursday night, I asked Wife if we could have sex (as a means of calming down before the interview). We did not. This information is shared because… in the “Be a Better Person” wheelhouse is no masturbation and no pornography. It was… difficult over the weekend. Then Sunday, I asked my Wife (literally, asked her) to tell me she loved me and/or show me affection of some kind. She could not… not really. She was able to say, “Well, you know I love you.” or “Of course I do” but… there was no “I love you” and no “This relationship is more than a convenience.” Again… not complaining, I 100% realize that she is in a bad place (partly because we live in a bad place). But things like that will, honestly, make it difficult to stay in my “Be a Better Person” mode. Just saying.


UPDATE: 1:08 p.m. CST
After 5 phone calls from 5 different local government officials… not complaining is certainly a difficult goal to keep. Suffice it to say; I understand why Boss didn’t want to deal with this. Luckily, I am of the mind that has no problem telling people bad news… even if they are unwilling to accept it.


Last updated December 05, 2016


hot-lips December 05, 2016

I find I ramble during interviews too, and get lost in telling the story of what happened and not so much what I did and what was the result. The more you do them though, the more you can refine your answer. I can't imagine a traffic jam as being stuck behind a tractor. You really do live in the middle of nowhere!! In London, traffic is all day, every day. lol I don't know about your wife, but for me sex and anything intimate is really linked to my state of mind. But if my husband was to ask for reassurances of love, I could at least muster up more than a standard "you know I do" reply, however unhappy I am. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Pennyworth's Ghost December 06, 2016

Why is no masturbation and no porn tied to being a better person? It sounds like you're just punishing yourself, especially if there's no reciprocation regarding sexual needs coming from your wife.

Park Row Fallout Pennyworth's Ghost ⋅ December 06, 2016

It's all part of growing up with the parents I did and in the environment I did. We aren't Catholic (far from it) but my father was very strict about Sexual Purity Matters. Obviously, this caused a number of issues for me (past and present) but whenever I'm thinking that I need to "prove to God" that I'm serious... it is still one of the first things that comes to mind.

Pennyworth's Ghost Park Row Fallout ⋅ December 06, 2016

Ah yes, an internal struggle familiar to all Christian-raised men. I have a very active sex drive, so biology won this battle a long time ago. I think it comes down to whether the end goals of retaining purity of mind and not straying from your wife are really that well served by never touching yourself. It took a long time for me to accept that the desire for sexual release is normal, and yeah, the Catholic solution in the middle ages was to get married at 19 and then start having all the sex you want, but that's not exactly the way of things anymore, is it. There's also a lot to be said about the changing role of the wife in these situations, from a Biblical notion of servitude to the husband (including sexually), to today's world where that dogmatic compulsion rightfully no longer exists.

Regardless of religion, sexual dysfunction in a relationship doesn't do anyone any favours, and doubling down on that by subjugating all of your orgasms to the will and whim of your wife just creates increasing resentment between the two of you. God has put you in a rather unfair position, and no matter how you want to justify it, your well-being - mentally, sexually, and spousally, is being compromised. I'm with you on the idea that God wants you to be a better person. You lose me when you suggest that your only option in this scenario is to sit there and suffer. I can't believe that this is the divine intent.

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