Not ready in Jessica and Me

For about the last year, Jessica has been babysitting after work. It’s a weird thing for her to do at her age. But this couple we are friends with, Kim and Kevin, have two young kids. They were getting home from school at about 3:00, and the parents get home at about 5:00. Jess works a 6-2:30 shift and volunteered to stop by for two hours every day after work.

I thought it was strange at first but then just got used to it.

About a week ago, it stopped. She didn’t say anything about it and I honestly just forgot to ask. Then she said the dreaded, “We have to talk about something.”

I didn’t know what to expect. She just came right out with it. She said for the last six months or so she has been having sex with Kevin. She said it calmly and very matter-of-fact. Almost like she didn’t expect me to be angry. She said that she is pretty sure she has destroyed their marriage and hope it wouldn’t destroy us.

I was dumbfounded. I was always the one who wanted to have sex with other people, and she was the huge supported or monogamy. This is what made it hurt more than anything else. I only said two things to her that night. The first, “I’m going to need some time to process this.”
The second, “I told you that monogamy isn’t natural.”

I meant the second thing. I’ve always believe it. But perhaps I should have stopped after saying the first thing.

Since then (meaning these last three day), we have stayed together. We have continued sleeping in the same bed. But we barely talk. We don’t touch each other. There’s this wall between us. I went out this morning alone for coffee. While sitting there, I got a text from her.

“Is the only way we’ll work through this if we have an open relationship?”

I said, “I don’t know. What if we agree to monogamy and you just do this again?”

She replied, “I’m open to talking about this. But we have to talk.”

I haven’t gone home yet. I know when I do she’ll want to talk, and I’m not sure I’m ready.