Dave got an OD account.
It is my fault. Again. Sometimes when we talk online I mention that I am reading blogs, and that I like reading blogs. Sometimes when I say this he asks me where to find good blogs, and once, after he asked, I told him here. I mentioned that I keep a blog but that I did not want him to read it.
So this morning while we were blocking the hallway, he says, "Guess what I found?"
"What?"
"Blogs."
"...Where?"
"That place you showed me one time."
"...But you'll never read mine, right?"
"No."
"And if you do find it, you'll just hit the back button, right?"
"Yes," he said, as if he really would not want to read it and would find the whole situation awkward. "...How would I know that it was yours?"
"You might not, for a while. But once you figure it out..."
"Back button."
"Yes."
Later, when we were alone walking up to math, I said, "So, did you get an account?"
"What?"
"On Open Diary."
"Oh. Yeah. Why?"
"Well, because if you didn't have an account you wouldn't be able to access mine."
"Oh... Kay."
There was a pause.
"Sorry, it's just... I want to trust you to hit the back button, but I've trusted other people before, and they ended up reading it anyway. It's just really tempting. People aren't that hard to find..."
"It's alright, I won't try to find you. And when I say that, I mean, I actively won't try to find you, kind of like I actively don't do my homework." I laughed. "No, I really don't want to find you. I mean, I'm starting one too, and I definately wouldn't want that happening to me."
"Yeah, whatever, I guess I'm okay with it... But I should talk to Molly..."
"What?"
"She... Has one... too."
"Oh... That's weird. Should I just like... Not have one?"
"No, no, have one, it's fine. Just... Forget it. It'll be okay. I mean... How many are there? A hundred thousand?"
"Over a hundred thousand."
"Yeah, I mean, we should be okay."
There is a perfectly good reason why I can't trust him to hit the back button. I can't trust myself to hit the back button. When I got home from school today, I found him. It only took me three clicks. Even among the hundreds of thousands of diaries, ours are uncomfortably close in some areas... Like some of the interests. I feel like a horrible person. I shouldn't read him again. I should stop...
When Emma came, she brought Cassandra. I asked Cassandra not to read my diary (she never did) and yesterday, I asked Emma to stop reading it. I just feel like I don't know her well enough for that anymore. It freaked me out. Molly's okay but... More than that is just too damn many people. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Emma left me a note saying that she wouldn't read me anymore, and that we've grown so far apart that it just felt like reading a stranger's diary anyway. So she's mad at me. But it's my goddamn diary, and it was meant to be an autobiographical novel written completely anonymously for people who I would never meet. It was not meant to be goddamn myspace.
And I need to stop reading him.
You may have heard from Molly that we are both going the the prom with Dave now. T.K.'s parents wouldn't let him go, so it was either that or not going to the prom. I think it'll be fun, but I hope I haven't ruined anything.
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