This followed a boring conversation during which each person was trying to get the other to say something entertaining. There was a pause, and then...
Me (7:30:36 PM): here's something mildly entertaining
Me (7:30:43 PM): I am considering asking julian out tomorrow
Dave (7:30:52 PM): go for it!
Me (7:31:01 PM): yeah, that's what everyone says
Dave (7:31:08 PM): no really
Me (7:31:18 PM): unfortunately, they're not the ones doing it
Me (7:31:22 PM): the thing is though
Me (7:31:26 PM): I don't know what the hell I'm doing
Me (7:31:35 PM): I mean, there are enough awkward silences between us NOW
Dave (7:31:39 PM): niether do i right now
Me (7:31:47 PM): what would it be like if we were in a RELATIONSHIP?
Dave (7:32:23 PM): see, once you are in a relation ship, there is a fun way to fill those
Me (7:32:36 PM): well but
Dave (7:32:39 PM): ;-)
Me (7:32:41 PM): somehow I don't
Me (7:32:43 PM): think
Me (7:32:54 PM): not RIGHT AWAY
Me (7:32:59 PM): alright I have to say this
Me (7:33:02 PM): and then I will shut up
Me (7:33:07 PM): you know my stalker?
Dave (7:33:10 PM): ;-);-)
Me (7:33:14 PM): yes?
Dave (7:33:19 PM): yes
Me (7:33:24 PM): you know how we started out?
Dave (7:33:31 PM): well, not personally...
Me (7:33:44 PM): exactly like you and kayla
Me (7:33:51 PM): I don't know if I'm spelling that right.
Dave (7:34:07 PM): Kaylah
Me (7:34:10 PM): oh
Me (7:34:20 PM): alright, now I'll shut up
Me (7:34:27 PM): I dunno
Me (7:34:31 PM): I think with most relationships
Me (7:34:37 PM): there is a beginning awkward phase
Me (7:34:46 PM): and I don't know if I can make it through that in this case
Me (7:34:54 PM): I mean, we are both really awkward people
Me (7:34:57 PM): besides this
Me (7:35:09 PM): I'm guessing the chances are over 50% that he will say no
Dave (7:35:27 PM): here's the thing
Me (7:35:53 PM): ok
Me (7:35:59 PM): where's the thing?
Dave (7:36:14 PM): hold on...
Dave (7:36:47 PM): i'm typing w/ one hand now as i talk on the fone
Me (7:36:54 PM): ah
Me (7:40:57 PM): continue the thought
Dave (7:41:01 PM): ok
Dave (7:45:24 PM): You see, you just need to give Julian a little nudge and he will say yes.
Dave (7:45:36 PM): (at least i'm pretty sure he will)
Me (7:45:47 PM): mind if I ask what you're basing this off of?
Dave (7:46:21 PM): the experience that i have had with awkward guys.
Dave (7:46:35 PM): You see, the real thing that anyone really fears is rejection.
Me (7:46:51 PM): tell me about it
Dave (7:47:18 PM): hell, i still fear kaylah hanging up on me and never calling me
Dave (7:47:23 PM): but anyways
Me (7:47:37 PM): dude, she called you at seven twenty a.m. on a school day
Me (7:47:40 PM): I think she likes you
Dave (7:47:48 PM): she was sitting in an airport
Dave (7:47:52 PM): bored out of her mind
Dave (7:47:57 PM): waiting for a plane
Dave (7:48:24 PM): well, my real fear is not knowing people's intentions
Dave (7:48:27 PM): but
Dave (7:48:39 PM): this conversation isn't supposed to be about me
Dave (7:48:45 PM): now
Me (7:48:45 PM): why not?
Me (7:48:54 PM): are you afraid of her intentions?
Dave (7:49:07 PM): i am afraid of everyone's intentions
Dave (7:49:15 PM): and people in general
Dave (7:49:23 PM): because i cannot predict what they will do
Dave (7:49:34 PM): cities really freak me out
Dave (7:49:50 PM): i have no idea if any of these people are going to pull a knife
Dave (7:50:12 PM): i don't know if any of them are just going to go crazy and loose it in a crowd of people
Dave (7:51:21 PM): So anyways, Julian: once you get in a relationship with him, you should be able to get him to come out of his shell, decreasing the awkward.
Dave (7:51:48 PM): I become surprisingly a lot like Julian when i don't know anyone
Dave (7:51:57 PM): like on a cruise
Me (7:52:07 PM): huh
Me (7:52:08 PM): ok
Me (7:52:10 PM): deep breaths
Me (7:52:22 PM): I don't even know how I'm gonna do this
Dave (7:52:33 PM): You don't have to
Dave (7:52:35 PM): know
Me (7:52:42 PM): aaahhh! Yes I do!
Me (7:52:47 PM): I don't know why I like jazz
Me (7:52:59 PM): In real life, I hate improvisation
Dave (7:53:09 PM): if you have a plan it will immediatly fall to shit within 3 minutes of seeing him
Me (7:53:46 PM): Oh man
Dave (7:53:47 PM): to extend a metaphor: don't work on writing out a solo, work on knowing the scale
Me (7:53:58 PM): I don't know the fucking scale!
Me (7:54:11 PM): ok
Me (7:54:14 PM): I'm not gonna freak out
Me (7:54:18 PM): I've done this before
Me (7:54:20 PM): ...
Me (7:54:25 PM): but it was different, somehow
Me (7:54:33 PM): you know
Me (7:54:38 PM): because it wasn't julian
Dave (7:54:52 PM): who are you talking about?
Dave (7:54:55 PM): stalker?
Me (7:55:03 PM): nah
Me (7:55:06 PM): tom and adam both
Dave (7:55:09 PM): ah
Me (7:55:15 PM): but they were both like
Me (7:55:17 PM): flirty
Me (7:55:25 PM): like, I was pretty sure they were going to say yes
Me (7:55:36 PM): I'm pretty sure Julian's gonna say
Me (7:55:44 PM): "What? Oh... That never occoured to me."
Dave (7:56:09 PM): go for a different approach
Dave (7:56:41 PM): try to make it start occuring to him
Me (7:56:49 PM): gah
Me (7:56:56 PM): I gave him a mixed CD
Me (7:56:59 PM): what does he want?
Dave (7:57:28 PM): how did you know with tom and adam they would probably say yes?
Me (7:57:46 PM): well, tom hung around me all the time, acting like a dork
Me (7:58:01 PM): and adam made a lot of excessive eye contact and touched me a lot
Me (7:58:19 PM): the only thing I've gotten from Julian is when he played me happy birthday
Me (7:58:24 PM): and then he did it to Rob too
Dave (7:59:05 PM): this extremely awkward for me to say, but, be flirty with him
Me (7:59:24 PM): I
Me (7:59:26 PM): ugh
Me (7:59:38 PM): That's like saying
Me (7:59:41 PM): "turn blue"
Dave (7:59:55 PM): if you try really hard, you could
Dave (7:59:57 PM): ?
Me (8:00:00 PM): no
Me (8:00:10 PM): um
Me (8:00:13 PM): bad metaphor
Me (8:00:14 PM): I dunno
Me (8:00:16 PM): I try
Me (8:00:17 PM): kind of
Me (8:00:21 PM): I'm just not good at it
Me (8:00:25 PM): I just look like a dork
Dave (8:00:41 PM): stop worrying about how you look
Dave (8:00:52 PM): whilest it is going on
Me (8:01:32 PM): Half the point of this is just to relieve the anticipation
Me (8:01:39 PM): like, I almost think that if he says no
Me (8:01:47 PM): it will be better than just being stressed out about it
Me (8:02:03 PM): so I think I'm just going to say, "Look, here's the thing."
Me (8:02:06 PM): and see how he reacts
Me (8:02:15 PM): I feel like I just have to be honest
Me (8:02:18 PM): because I suck at acting
Dave (8:02:23 PM): Even if he does say no, it might just be a surprise thing
Me (8:02:28 PM): yeah, that's true
Me (8:02:41 PM): too bad he doesn't have a screenname
Me (8:02:50 PM): It's so nice when it's nonconfrontational
Dave (8:02:58 PM): telephone?
Me (8:03:09 PM): oh god no
Me (8:03:16 PM): have you ever talked to me over the phone?
Me (8:03:21 PM): I'm less awkward in person
Dave (8:03:33 PM): I've gotten better at the telephone
Dave (8:03:36 PM): recently
Me (8:03:42 PM): that's good
Dave (8:03:55 PM): mostly because i've spent more time on it than sleeping
Me (8:03:55 PM): I noticed when I talked to you the other day you weren't using your phone voice
Dave (8:04:07 PM): i have a phone voice?
Me (8:04:11 PM): (my parents make fun of your phone voice)
Me (8:04:14 PM): yeah, low and monotone
Me (8:04:18 PM): you sound so serious
Dave (8:04:32 PM): people never tell me these things
Dave (8:04:58 PM): well, whenever i've used the phone before it has basically been a matter-of-fact thing
Dave (8:05:11 PM): so, no expression was required
Me (8:05:23 PM): It was still kind of silly
Dave (8:05:50 PM): i'm pretty sure that most of my communication is non-verbal
Me (8:06:01 PM): what do you mean?
Dave (8:06:21 PM): i'm not quite sure
Me (8:07:02 PM): man, you know what your problem is?
Me (8:07:08 PM): you are not nearly selfish enough
Me (8:07:20 PM): sometimes, if you don't say, "Hey you, pay attention to me!"
Me (8:07:27 PM): no one will ever pay attention to you
Dave (8:07:59 PM): i don't care if people pay attention to me, for the most part
Me (8:08:11 PM): everybody cares a little
Dave (8:08:23 PM): i care more about what other people are about to do
Dave (8:08:31 PM): which is why i like listening
Dave (8:08:35 PM): to people
Dave (8:09:05 PM): the more easily i can predict someone, the easier it is for me to relax around them
Me (8:09:17 PM): I dunno
Me (8:09:20 PM): it's just weird
Me (8:09:28 PM): that now that someone likes you
Me (8:09:32 PM): you seem very happy
Me (8:09:36 PM): but very confused
Me (8:09:44 PM): I mean
Me (8:09:54 PM): sometimes it's got to be all about YOU
Dave (8:10:38 PM): the weirdest thing is i got up thing morning and for the first time i can remember i didn't feel like shit on a school-day morning
Me (8:11:03 PM): see?
Me (8:11:21 PM): that's kind of sad
Me (8:11:44 PM): alright
Me (8:11:58 PM): even though this reminds me a little too much of the me-and-my-stalker thing
Me (8:12:08 PM): I am now officially happy for you
Dave (8:12:06 PM): hrm?
Me (8:12:19 PM): you know
Me (8:12:27 PM): knew him for a week
Me (8:12:42 PM): there was kind of a spontaneous relationship
Me (8:12:46 PM): I was very confused
Me (8:12:53 PM): long distance
Me (8:13:05 PM): he called me all the time at weird hours
Dave (8:13:07 PM): i've always been very confused, this is not a new development
Me (8:13:28 PM): This might be awkward
Me (8:13:31 PM): but what the hell
Me (8:13:51 PM): I always regretted that my first kiss was with a future military auto mechanic that I knew for a week
Me (8:14:15 PM): I just
Dave (8:14:18 PM): i'm sorry
Me (8:14:29 PM): but I don't want
Me (8:14:35 PM): you to be in a similar situation
Me (8:14:37 PM): I don't know
Me (8:14:40 PM): you might not be
Me (8:15:12 PM): It kind of just... happened
Me (8:15:21 PM): and I was all shocked and happy because he liked me so much
Me (8:15:24 PM): but I didn't know him.
Me (8:15:48 PM): I'm sorry
Me (8:15:53 PM): I said I was going to shut up
Me (8:16:12 PM): I will now
Dave (8:16:46 PM): don't be sorry
Me (8:17:22 PM): I just wanted to say that
Me (8:17:27 PM): but obviously I'm not you
Me (8:17:29 PM): and I'm not her
Me (8:17:36 PM): and you guys can do whatever you want
Dave (8:17:41 PM): ok
Me (8:18:05 PM): fuck
Me (8:18:13 PM): I don't like me when I'm freaking out about stuff
Dave (8:18:40 PM): nothing's wrong with freaking out
Me (8:18:59 PM): yeah, but I wasn't going to say that
Me (8:19:07 PM): because it wasn't any of my damn business
Me (8:19:11 PM): and I did
Me (8:19:14 PM): so anyway
Dave (8:19:15 PM): hey
Dave (8:19:20 PM): don't worry about it
Dave (8:19:27 PM): i'm serious
Me (8:19:32 PM): alright, that's good
Dave (8:20:31 PM): i know that you feel that everything you say completely controls what i do...
Dave (8:20:32 PM): ;-)
Dave (8:20:33 PM): i'm kidding
Me (8:21:18 PM): There are just some things that are my damn business
Me (8:21:21 PM): and some things that aren't
Me (8:21:33 PM): and crossing that line kind of makes one a jerk
Dave (8:21:49 PM): you're a friend, you are worried for me, that is fine
Dave (8:21:55 PM): that is far from jerkish
Me (8:22:09 PM): let's talk about something uncomplicated
Me (8:22:21 PM): or, something complicated but that we are distant from
Dave (8:22:47 PM): You know what piss me off?
Dave (8:22:51 PM): political parties
Me (8:22:56 PM): yeah, me too
normal conversation, etc. etc.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Loading comments...