Dave (7:43:23 PM): so
Dave (7:43:48 PM): i get the feeling that julian doesn't want me to play in the talent show
Me (7:44:04 PM): why?
Dave (7:44:11 PM): i don't know
Dave (7:44:30 PM): i feel like he's humouring you by letting me play
Me (7:44:39 PM): what?
Me (7:44:43 PM): that doesn't even make sense
Dave (7:44:47 PM): i know
Dave (7:44:58 PM): that doesn't change it though
Dave (7:45:07 PM): i'm way too insecure
Me (7:45:14 PM): look, I'm not gonna lie
Me (7:45:23 PM): I'm a little concerned about the whole talent show thing
Me (7:45:37 PM): but it's perfectly reasonable for you not to be able to play your part yet
Me (7:45:43 PM): I mean, this is ridiculous
Me (7:45:56 PM): if we had more time, you could end up being really good
Me (7:46:10 PM): which is why we asked you to play
Me (7:46:12 PM): and now...
Me (7:46:16 PM): I don't know what's going on
Me (7:46:21 PM): but we're not going to ditch you
Me (7:46:38 PM): we wouldn't keep working with you if you weren't a good musician
Me (7:46:50 PM): ...and I'm pretty sure julian doesn't do anything to humor me
Me (7:46:59 PM): let alone take an indirect route through you
Dave (7:47:13 PM): i just feel like i'm dragging the group down, i guess
Me (7:47:48 PM): practice then, I guess
Me (7:47:55 PM): look, you don't need to be insecure
Me (7:48:14 PM): you're playing with three people in the uppermost portion of the musical elite
Me (7:48:21 PM): that should make you feel better, not worse.
Me (7:48:32 PM): I know this is a bad time
Me (7:48:35 PM): but I really have to go
Dave (7:48:39 PM): aight
Dave (7:48:41 PM): see you
Me (7:48:44 PM): talk to julian about it if you think he's the problem.
Shit.
What he meant by "I get the feeling Julian doesn't want me to play" is "I get the feeling you don't want me to play."
And that might be true.
Fine, it's true. But I also don't want to ditch him. I can't ditch him. He's Dave.
This is awkward on two completely different levels too. The way he looked at me today, all day, made me feel very... confused. And now I am being a jerk to him. I was a jerk to him today musically - I kept correcting him when he would try to pick stuff out and get it wrong, and I wasn't patient with him when he couldn't play the music Julian wrote out for him. And I was essentially being a jerk to him socially too, by staring at Julian while he was staring at me...
Not even subtly either. Just flat out staring at me. All day.
Fucking musical heirarchy. Fucking love quadrilateral. I'm starting to think this talent show thing isn't going to happen. Neither are any relationships, any time soon. I am going to bed.
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