So first of all, we have a band again. Again. Another one. This time it was thrown together rather desperately at the last minute because Julian and I told Paul the Tri-M kid that "our band" would play at a concert the day before Chrismas eve. After Greg told us he didn't really feel like doing anything the Friday before vacation, we considered our options and finally came up with... Matt. When I called him, he told me very sincerely that he would be happy to play with us except that he was "a little rusty on the set," (because that's how Matt is) but this morning, after thinking it over, he accepted.
I told Julian at lunch.
"Is he... Good?"
"Well, he's good at playing bass drum in marching band. I've never heard him on a set."
"Remember what happened the last time we did this?"
"...Yeah."
"At the very least," said Molly, "He'll be able to keep a very, very, very steady beat."
This concert thing is not going so well in general. I am supposed to be in charge of it, and so far there is only one person actually signed up (who I have never heard of) and four or five groups planning to sign up but still getting their acts together (most of whom I pressured into doing it.)
Anyway, we did end up getting a snow day Friday, but it ended up being really boring, because it was one of those snow days where it is actually impossible to leave the house - there was pretty much a blizzard going on all day, and once it let up, there was at least a foot and a half of snow on the ground. Saturday, after I met with my Odyssey group for our giant project, I hung out with Molly and watched Real Genius and the new Pride and Predjudice. Alicia now knows about Julian and Dave, and we know about her crush on Jake the tenor sax player, who she contantly makes fun of and who constantly makes fun of her. Needless to say, this led to interesting conversation. (e.g, she made marriage certificates online for all of us. She told me this, even though the only one she actually printed out was for Rob and Vajra, who are made fun of often enough already so that it won't even be that wierd when she gives it to them.)
In other news... Well, I should probably explain what's going on with Emma. Since I've known her, she's had pretty serious medical trouble. She's been on a waiting list for a kidney transplant for a few years, and she was even eligible for the Make-a-Wish foundation to give her stuff a while ago. The Make-a-Wish thing scared me. "Isn't that for kids who are dying?" I wanted to ask her. Well, the answer to that is yes, for the most part. I guess the whole issue here is that for as long as I've known her, I've wanted to ask, but been afraid to ask:
"Are you dying?"
That is not the kind of question you can ask somebody. So I never did. And I never mentioned her problems before in this diary. She's always talked about them, but very casually - only as the part of her everyday life that I'm sure they are. She never told us she was scared, and she never seemed sick.
Now she's getting her transplant. There's this website where her parents post updates on how she's doing, and Jesus was it a wake up call. She is in pain. She does look sick. There are all kinds of terrible things that could happen to her right now that would not be good at all. She isn't even done with her surgery, actually. She's had her kidneys removed, and she's on dialysis until her father can give her one of his. I left her a note on the website. Just one note. It was all I could think of to say.
Because I've abandoned her. I really have. I've been an insensitive snob and I've just stopped spending time with her because she isn't cool, and Helen isn't cool. It's wierd to see Helen now, walking around school by herself with no sister. I wonder how she's doing. She's never taken care of herself before. It must be completely new to her, to have no one to get her out of trouble when she does something wierd or gets lost or doesn't know what to do. I say hi to Helen now. I make little jokes with her and answer her when she talks to me, but I feel like maybe I need to do a little more, because she needs a little more - because she can't get by on her own.
Emma seems to be doing okay. She is walking around and answering people's notes, and I think she is coming home soon, although she probably won't be back in school... Ever. So I guess I don't have to worry about her dying or anything. I'll just go on feeling bad about not being nice enough to her.
There, I've said that. I think perhaps I spend too much time in this diary talking about what I want to talk about - what I want my life to be like - rather than talking about unpleasant things which are actually a part of reality for me. Case in point: My parents.
They need their own entry. Another one. But I'll write it later. It's going to be a bitch of a week - I shouldn't even be writing today. Hopefully Tri-M, Jazz band, Odyssey, Bio, and everything else will work itself out okay and I'll be able to tell you about it soon.
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