I got together with Molly and Dave yesterday to watch a movie (The Hudsucker Proxy, in case you were wondering). It was a very good movie, and a pretty good time. I guess. But now I am feeling... kind of depressed. And pretty freaked out. Guess why? Well, it's mostly because of the time I looked over at them and they were lying very close to each other on one side of Molly's L-shaped couch. They were both clearly watching the movie, but they were still inches away from doing what could be classified as spooning. I kind of jumped internally when I saw this, and then thought, "...Alright. Obviously, I have to be okay with this." I looked back at the movie screen. I felt a kind of sinking feeling. Sitting on the other side of Molly's L-shaped couch, I felt
.
very . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . far . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . away.
.
The worst part about this is that I deserve it. It is my own damn fault for not asking him out earlier. With the exception of those five or six months, I have had the oppurtunity to for the past three and a half years. But I wouldn't do it. I would not accept the love that I needed from the person who was most capable of giving it to me. So isn't this what I was asking for? Didn't I know that it was bound to happen eventually if I refused to feel for him myself?
I guess.
I guess I just didn't realize, until I saw them, how much I don't want things to change.
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