"Okay you guys," said Mr. Thomas after he'd called us all into a huddle. "Let's get psyched about this... Here's to putting on a biblical-themed play for an audience of highschool students! On the count of three, everybody give me a big, 'church and state!' One two three..."
"CHURCH AND STATE!"
Opening night. Arrived early, stood around awkwardly, acted like a dork in front of Mr. Thomas and Mr. Casto, (as usual) got really nervous, and then, for some unknown reason, proceeded to ROCK EVERYONE'S FUCKING SOCKS OFF.
Seriously, I nailed everything. I played solos right that I'd never even attempted before. I was there. I was focused, one hundred percent, and poured all the right emotions into every song. My old piano teacher came up to me and told me how proud of me she was during intermission. Mr. Thomas beamed at me every time he cued me. I couldn't have asked for much of a better performance, and it came out of nowhere, when I was so afraid I was going to be terrible.
So I have no idea why I'm still so depressed.
Molly, Dave, and Julian are coming tomorrow night. This was arranged the other day at lunch, when Eric, Bonnie and I pressured them into arranging it.
"You guys do realize that you're coming to see us, right?"
"Alright, is Thursday good?" said Molly.
"Nope. Hockey game," said Dave. "How about Friday?"
"Alright with me."
"Friday?" said Julian. He made a face.
"Oh," said Eric, wiggling around his fingers, "Julian has big plans for Friday night."
"Well it's just -"
"Are you going to a crazy party?"
"No, it's just -"
"Are you going to a crazy... jazz rave?"
"No. It's just -"
At this point, Eric started beat boxing while Dave lay down a fast jazz bassline and played the air-upright bass.
"Fine, fine, I'll do it Friday."
"Wait, what do you -"
"Nothing, it's not a big deal."
There was a pause.
"Oh man," I said. "Jazz techno. We have to set that up some time."
So... I'm looking forward to them coming a lot. I don't know why. I just keep being like, "My friends are coming tomorrow. I am wicked excited." My friends are awesome. I do not appreciate them nearly enough. Or at least, I don't let them know that I appreciate them nearly enough. Sometimes I am a jerk to them. And I shouldn't be, because my friends are all I have. They are what I live for.
Molly, I have decided that under no circumstances will I go after Dave. Yes, it's up to him. Unless it's up to me. And I'm saying no. It has become apparant to me that you feel a lot more strongly about this than I do, and therefor, I am not interested. End of story. I refuse to screw anything up.
Sorry if it looked like I was upset, or if I made you upset. I never would have written it down if I'd known.
.
As for how I feel about who now... I have yet to figure it out. Still.
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