Today in Odyssey Mr. Sampson gave a lecture, and told us beforehand, "What I am going to tell you Monday, I completely made up. I won't lie to you. I won't present you with any information I do not believe to be true. I will have very good substantiation. But the actual theory is complete BS." Our job is to write an essay pointing out the errors in his logic. He HIGHLY recomended that we tape the lecture. "Because God help you if you misquote me."
So over the weekend I dug up an old tape recorder. After I dusted it off and changed the batteries, I took a random tape from off my shelf, put it in and played it.
"Ou est-ce que tu es alle?" I heard in my own voice, in an accent significantly worse than the one I have after having been to France.
"Uh... Je suis alle en Alaska." (I went to Alaska.) It was Julian's voice.
"Et... Qu'est-ce que tu as fait la bas?" (And what did you do there?)
"J'ai... bronze." (I went tanning.)
"...D'accord. Quand est-ce que tu est retourne?" (...Okay. When did you get back?)
There was a pause, and then he said indignantly, "Je ne suis pas retourne. Nous parlons au telephone." (I didn't get back. We're talking on the phone.)
"Oh, je me souviens." (Oh, I remember.)
"Wait a minute... It says I came back. Damn. Um..." his voice was cut off.
I laughed. Last year's French tape. I'd forgotten that Julian had been my dialouge partner. When I listened to the rest of the tape, I found gems like...
Me: Can you give me a hand?
Him: No, no, I'm afraid I can't.
Me: Why not?
Him: Because, Well... I would rather slit my throat.
(To slit one's throat is one verb in French, and Julian learned it and used it in class as much as possible. When I asked him where he learned it, he said, "It's in their national anthem.")
And, at the end of a perfectly normal dialouge...
Him: And... How much money did you take?
Me: Um... I didn't take any money.
Long pause.
Him: When didyoutakethemoney?
Me: I didn't take the money!
Him: (In English) Man, this usually works.
I listened to Julian's voice and laughed at his jokes a few times before I sat down with my physics homework. Once I sat down with my physics homework, I looked at it, thought, "I don't want to do this," and figured out the sax and fiddle solos in "Don't get around much anymore" on the flute, which took the rest of the day.
So today I brought the tape recorder, which looks like a classic boom box and is only slightly smaller, to school. I recorded Mr. Sampson and his BS second block. I went to lunch, sat down across from Bonnie, who is also in Odyssey, and said, "Copies of the tape will be seven fifty. If Adam asks me, ten fifty." People laughed. "For you, Bonnie, six fifty."
"I have a copy, thank you," she said. We made fun of Adam for a while. Then I said, "Hey Julian, guess what's on the other side of this tape?" I flipped the tape, pressed play and slid it down the table. I watched him explode with laughter.
"What? What is it?" Molly, Dave, Eric and Bonnie leaned closer to the tape recorder. Julian turned it up and translated, laughing, as the tape went along. They all laughed after every line. Eventually he said, "Okay, enough of this." He turned a little red and stopped the tape.
Of course, Molly Dave and Eric had heard about this beforehand. Saturday night (after our first good performance) was Molly's party. It ended up just being the four of us sitting around for several hours listening to jazz, making jokes and playing cards, but it was still the best time I've had in a very long time. I told them about the tape. I couldn't resist. They thought it was funny. I don't know how Molly keeps from saying something every time I talk about Julian. She never even says anything to me, even when we're alone. Maybe she thinks I'm over it by now. Even so, I'd think it would be pretty obvious at this point.
Ooh, and there was some good Adam trashing. About how he's the world's biggest pompous ass. About how everything he does is just to make himself look like he has connections. About how no one likes him. About how he'll never get drum major, ever, and how he's completely oblivious to this fact.
"Hey," I said to Eric when he said this, "Are you going to try out?"
"...Yeah. I think it's gonna be down to you and me, frankly. I guess Schultz is kind of a possibility, but we're the only serious candidates." That was a wierd moment there, when I looked into his eyes as he said that.
"Eric," said Dave. "Mr. Thomas needs you way too much as trumpet section leader. Next year it's just going to be you and the two worst kids in the section. Hell, I might have to switch to trumpet next year."
"...Yeah that's true," said Eric.
Woah, that's true! I thought. And Schultz is the only bari sax. I shouldn't get my hopes up. Not this early. Tryouts aren't until May. But still...
"Hey," said Eric, laughing, back at the lunch table. "Remember when you dated Adam Larsen?"
"Okay, you've brought that up at least four times in the past thirty six hours," I exploded. "And yes, I remember. Probably better than you."
"Haha, that was funny," he said. Then he and Dave reminsisced over my head about how awkward we were while I walked up the stairs to physics, between them.
At Molly's party, we watched Six String Samurai. Molly has four categories for movies: Good good, bad bad, good bad, and bad good. The first adjective reffers to how enjoyable a movie is. The second reffers to how much artistic value it has.
Everyone at the party agreed that Six String Samurai is the best worst movie EVER to have been made. So low budget. So badly acted. Such a stupid plot. But SO FREAKING AWESOME. Basically, the movie takes place in post apocalyptic, nuclear-wasteland America, and all the guitarists are competing to be the new king of rock and roll. People fight with swords, guitars, bowling pins, and gumballs. Death is a character. Buddy Holly ends up being Jesus. The entire soundtrack is performed by The Red Elvises. So. Freaking. Awesome. Whenever someone said something like, "What? Why are the people in radiation suits evil?" Eric would say, "Shhh! They survived nuclear fallout. They can do anything they want."
"What? How can they play their guitars with no amps?"
"They survived. Nuclear. Fallout!"
When I got home in the afternoon, my father told me that Adam was out sick today and had called and asked if I could copy my Odyssey tape for him. I was overjoyed. Here's the way I pictured the conversation.
Me: So, you called about that tape for Odyssey?
Him: Yeah, can you make a copy of it for me?
Me: Okay, that'll be seven fifty.
Him: Seven fifty!?
Me: Okay, well, for you... Ten fifty.
Him: What!?
Me: Supply and demand, my friend, take it or leave it. If you don't like it, you can take your business elsewhere.
Him: Fine, I'll call Bonnie.
Me: Make sure to tell her I sent you! cackle
The next day, I imagined, I would tell everyone what I did and make them howl with laughter. When he answered the phone though, he sounded so sick that I just said, "Um... You wanna give me five bucks?"
"Sure," he said, sounding like he wanted to die.
"Okay, done."
You know, now that I think of it, it was probably an act.
Ah, Six String Samurai. Every time we saw each other today, one of the four of us (Dave, Molly, Eric and I) would say, "Hey nice tuxedo." And the other three would join in with the rest of the line: "Nice tuxedo to die in!" It never got old.
Wow, that was a long entry. I should really be doing my physics homework. Or at least practicing guitar. I have a C plus in physics. That one kind of snuck up on me. Hm.
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