Hi, I just want to tell you that I read most of your online journal. And by "most of" I mean "all." I just wanted to tell you because I know if it was mine I would want to know. I was feeling really crummy and lonely today and I went on your story site to see if you had updated it. Then I went ahead and found your journal. I figured I would just read one or two old entries because I just wanted to talk to you and it was almost the same, but I just kept going. I'm not really sure why. I know (and knew at the time) that you didn't want me to, but I think I wish someone could confide in me the way you can confide in strangers, or maybe just that I wish that I had someone to talk to. Fuck. I feel like shit. I think you are going to be mad at me. You probably should be. That's why I'm sending you an e-mail instead of telling you to your face. I would probably chicken out and just pretend I hadn't. That would definitely be worse. I'm really sorry. Call me, and we'll talk. Or not.
---Molly
Oh fuck.
She knows about Julian. And that dream. Oh fuck, the dream. Ewgh.
It's my fault through. I could have just made it OD members only as soon as my friends found out if I REALLY didn't want them reading it. But I guess part of me does want someone to read it. Maybe I want to confide in Molly instead of internet strangers too. But not EVERYTHING. Not EVERY THOUGHT that goes through my head... Do I?
I figured out what that dream was about - the part about her. Even two years ago, I was closer to her than I've ever been to anyone, and since then we've just been getting closer and closer. I'm over her house so much that her parents don't even question my presence. We finish each other's sentences. I even told her about Adam - everything about Adam - a few nights ago. I've never let anyone else know how much that hurt. But I knew she would understand. There is almost no level that we don't connect on. (The exception being the religion thing.)
But the thing is... Part of me is absolutely petrified of getting this close to someone. I have no idea why, but I don't think it's a good thing.
As for whether or not I'm mad at her, I really don't know. I think at least that I'm not as mad as she thinks I am. I guess it'll get sorted out when I call her.
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