WIERD dream.
The first part of the dream was vivid and somewhat amusing, but quite complex and not very relevent, so I'm not going to write it all down. I'll just say that I was a secret agent doing secret agenty things, that there was a stewardess who stole all my stuff and got me arrested, and that I attended a wedding on the soccer field at our school in the pouring rain. After that, it got more interesting.
So first Molly told me that she was in love with me, and that she always had been, but she'd been afraid to admit it because her church teaches that homosexuality is a sin. Um... That's pretty interesting right there. I didn't know how to feel. I mean, obviously, I care about her a lot...
Then Adam took me back. He was definately Adam, even though he looked a lot less like Benny Goodman and a lot more like Colin Firth. And it was definately him taking me back, not me taking him back. I got the impression somehow that he wasn't thrilled about it, but I didn't care, really, as long as I had license to touch him again. We got on a trolley together at night. My mother was there. After she got off, he kissed me on the cheek. Then I turned his head and kissed him on the lips again and again, each time slightly deeper, so that eventually we were just unrestrainedly making out on the trolley. It felt extremely good. After I pulled away he wrapped his arms around me and gave me that sort of helpless look he used to give me. Then we went into an apartment to discuss buisness with two men. (We were still secret agents.) Eventually, I left and Adam stayed.
Then the same two men (who I guess were double agents) had captured Adam. They had him tied up and were torturing him by cutting him with razor blades. He had a cut on either cheek and several on his chest and arms. I broke into the apartment with two kitchen knives and fought the men until I killed them. Then I wiped the blood off of Adam's face, wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him...
At this point I woke up and thought, "Shit. This is not good. In fact, this is rather like a nine year old wetting the bed. You should not be having dreams like this anymore. You are over him."
I fell back asleep and drempt that someone asked me about the dream. I told it to them, but replaced Adam's name with Julian's. I was very concious of the fact that I was lying.
This is really wierd. I mean, I know I've been talking about Adam a lot, but never in a positive way. Lately when I've been reading his profiles, I've been getting the impression that he is really, truly a poser and an overall slime ball. I've never felt in love with him. Not at all. I mean, I've been fantasizing about him a little, but you don't kill two full-grown men with kitchen knives to save someone who you just kind of like to make out with.
What's interesting too is that in the dream, I really thought of Adam as "Adam," not his real counterpart. Maybe that makes it less bad. Maybe the dream really was about Adam, the character. Maybe part of me thinks I would kill two full grown men with kitchen knives only for him, the Adam whose only pupose is to be my ex-boyfriend in a story, and not for the real kid who I've known since eighth grade and who all my friends know and who really exists in the minds of hundreds of people as "that quiet kid with the bandana."
Molly, however, was real.
Feel free to comment. Especially if you're good at interpreting these kind of things.
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