Nothing to do. Rotting my brain in front of the computer.
Thursday I had to stick around for 20th century, so I hung around at school with Molly, Emma and Helen instead of going home. And frankly, Molly's annoyance with Emma and Helen was quite obvious. I suppose she could have just been in a bad mood and taking it out on them instead of me, but still - it made me pretty uncomfortable. But we hung out anyway. At one point, when we couldn't think of anything better to do, we went to the library and they read the new additions to my story. They saw a note which refered to this diary, and I explained it.
"You have another diary? What do you write about?" said Emma, obviously interested.
"Sometimes stuff that happens, sometimes just whatever pops into my head..."
"Can we read it?"
"I'd really prefer that you not."
"Why?"
"...Well..." I was becoming uncomfortable. "I write down everything. There's some stuff in there that no one knows. I mean, I change names and everything, but... I talk about you guys too. Not bad stuff, it'd just be... wierd."
"I don't care. What's the name?"
"I really don't want to tell you."
"Please?"
"No. I mean, if you really want to, it wouldn't be that hard for you to find me through interests, but... Honestly, I don't know if you want to."
She did. Man. I don't know how much she read, but I hope it wasn't anything about Julian. I made this diary OD members only so that she can't read anymore. But honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maybe some part of me wants someone to know everything. Someone that I know. I dunno. Maybe Emma's just not that someone.
That was pretty much everything that happenned Thursday.
Friday I went to two parties - Emma and Helen's from noon to five and Greg's from five to ten. There were a lot of people at both who I didn't know that well. At Emma's, I didn't really bother dealing with this and just hung out with Molly and Alicia for the entire time. I think Molly is a little wierded out by the fact that Emma's made new friends without us. And I guess I am a little too. I mean, the three of us used to be really close, and now Emma has friends that Molly and I have never even met before. Oh well. I suppose Cassandra was there. Cassandra is another old friend, although I don't think she felt as... isolated as we did.
Whatever. In general, it was a good time, even if it was very slightly awkward and I didn't talk to most of the people there. We went in the pool and had water fights, we ate a lot, and we lay around in the sun and talked about random stuff... Good times. At the end, Emma, Helen, Molly and I even talked about being nerds going to some book store at midnight when Harry Potter comes out, and all of us got really excited about it, and it could have very easily been middle school again.
Greg's party was also very slightly awkward. It wasn't really because I didn't know people - the people that Greg hangs out with are much better at mingling, and they made me feel included in the conversation even if I only knew them as "those people in Greg's other band" or "that kid who goes to Elijah's school." In fact, I ended up hanging out with that kid who goes to Elijah's school more often than not, and he is cool and funny and I like him. I guess he goes out with Katie from colorguard. Which is wierd, because Katie from colorguard strikes me as being sort of Toby-like and not the kind of person who would have a boyfriend, especially a boyfriend like Nat.
Anyway, here's why it was awkward.
Kevin and Hattie. Arg. Just shoot me through the head. I like Kevin a lot when he's not around her, and although I don't really know Hattie that well, I don't have any real problems with her when she's not around Kevin. But they do not stop touching each other, and he is so submissive it makes me sick. In related news, I don't think Hattie likes me much, probably because of the way I act around them when they're together. If she throws a party like she did last summer, I am pretty certain I'm not getting invited.
Bathing suits. Dave. I changed as soon as I could after I got there, and I noticed that he did the same.
I jammed with Greg and his other band, and the guitarist for that band is so much better than me it made me want to cry.
...Maybe this was just my imagination, but Sam, Jenn, Katie and Nat seemed to be a foursome waiting to happen. If that's not awkward, nothing is.
Yeah, I actually talked to Jenn a lot. It has occoured to me that she is just hot, in a very traditional sense of the word. I think it's mostly because she is so thin with such big boobs that you wonder whether she has problems with balance. But it's also her attitude. She is incredibly friendly, and pretty much radiates sexiness. And her face isn't bad either. I've kind of been pondering the implications of my noticing this.
Anyway, this party was also only slightly awkward and generally a good time. Except for maybe Hattie the other guitarist, who I'm pretty sure thought I was a total poser, I felt like people liked me. I felt funny. And when I was playing DDR, people were talking about how good I was, even though it was only light mode.
When my mom picked me up and I walked through Greg's front yard, Kevin and Hattie were on one side of it and Katie, Sam, Jenn and Nat were on the other. Awkward...
I've been thinking about why I was so lonely when I came home. I don't think it was because of the slight awkwardness. I don't think it was entirely because of the guitar thing either, although I'm sure that helped. I'm thinking it had more to do with the fact that yesterday would have been Adam and my aniversary. And maybe also the fact that the last time I went to one of Greg's parties, I... Well, I've made enough refferences to it so that you guys know what I did.
Which also means that it's been about six months since I've gotten any. Arg.
On a note which may or may not be related to that last comment, I was kind of hoping that Julian would be there, and he wasn't.
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