I deleted that last entry because it was too whiney. Now I am just going to write another whiney entry. I am in an extremely bad mood now for two reasons:
I want to get the hell out of school. I just really don't want to go anymore. I hate all of my classes. I hate having to do homework. I hate just being there. We don't even have open campus during finals, which means I have fully sixteen days left. That's SIXTEEN Latin classes, sixteen math classes, eight health and eight gym. Lately I've been considering going out to breakfast with Eric sometime and skipping first and second block. He goes out with Jay and Steph and Liz and Rob and people all the time, and just forges a note from his mom. The only problem with this is that a tardy would show up on my report card. And I would have to explain it. I'm trying to decide whether or not I care.
I cannot play the trumpet at all. Not at all. I really have not improved since my last lesson, and my range seems to be stuck where it is because, as Mr. Thomas explained, I am doing something fundamentally wrong to get high notes out and I need not to do it anymore. But it's really hard. Overall, I just suck. Like, more than I should at this point. Eric and Dave won't stop making fun of me for how much I suck. And even though they have never actually heard me play and are only doing it because they're trumpet players, I hate it. I have realized that the world I live in is such that if I am not a good musician, I am worthless. The trumpet thing, along with the fact that we had yet another failed band practice last night, makes me feel like I am not a good musician. I hope I'll be better at trombone. But I don't have one of those yet.
In addition to these major factors, there are also minor factors, such as the fact that I still do not have a job, and I will never get a car. Dave has a job - a secretarial job at a bank. Tom has his liscence, and a car. And here I am with no job, car, liscence, trombone, or musical skill, and with a full twenty-four hours left to sit and pretend to be listening to special K. I haven't practiced for my guitar lesson either. I should probably go do that after this.
Ugh. Well, at least all I did in gym was walk around the building very slowly and talk to Steph and this girl Eva. And I had a good conversation with the bandies when we were hanging out before my trumpet lesson. And I think I'm wandering around town tomorrow. Sometimes that turns out to be fun. Then again, sometimes it turns out to be a waste of time.
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