Friend Zone... in Book of M...

Lots to cover…

I’ve still been hanging out with M a fair bit at work. We still flirt with one another. But there have been a few strained moments.

On Wednesday I had a Dr appointment. Yearly obgyn. After the appointment I went by the mall because I was on that side of town to pick up some clothes and boots I’d ordered and had delivered to the store. I went ahead and tried on the boots and a dress and decided to wear it out because it was cute and I was heading back to work and planned to go see K.

I got back to work and the guys called them hooker boots. Anyways… long story short. I was letting M read my previous entries on my phone and towards the end he asked if I had deleted his texts. I said no. Then despite me trying to get my phone back from him he went to my messages and deleted our conversation. In the moment I was completely furious. Here I am trusting him with my personal thoughts and feelings, and he thinks he has the right to delete anything on my phone. And he could tell I was mad, but he just didn’t get it. Like he asked me if I was really that mad… while putting his hand on my thigh under my skirt… with other people in the room. And I was that mad. Just another guy who thinks he can do whatever without any consequences.

What’s worse is that after a little while I got over it, or rather managed to act like it. Obviously I trust him if I’m letting him read my thoughts and feelings. I guess I was stupid to assume that he trusted me the same way.

The next day I cooked fried chicken for everyone. Heck I even specifically got chicken legs because that’s what M said he wanted. Everyone enjoyed.

On Friday M was there all day. We started flirting. One thing led to another and eventually we ended up in the bathroom off my office. I kissed his neck some, tried to convince him to kiss me but it was a no go, and then I went down on him. He got slightly rough at points, but he could have gotten rougher. I liked that he was vocal about what he wanted. Afterwards he said he always feels guilty immediately after. I said I was sorry, he said it wasn’t my fault, I said it partially is because I encourage it.

Honestly, it hurt my feelings a little bit. I guess I get it to a point, but I just don’t generally do things that I’m going to feel guilty about, and maybe that makes me a callous monster for not feeling bad about fucking around with a guy who has a gf, but I don’t.