Yesterday after I wrote, I crashed. I'm not sure what happened. I was having a really good day. I even went driving, and I've already decided I love driving more than just about anything. Then when I was eating dinner I started feeling REALLY WIERD. I definately wasn't depressed, because I had all this energy. My mind was all over the place. And somehow, I felt very... free. But I'm still pretty sure that it was a bad feeling.
This is the only way I can describe it: For a few hours, I stopped caring completely. I stopped caring about everybody and everything, and I didn't feel like doing anything except whatever the hell I felt like, so I did. I moved very quickly. I went into the bathroom and stood up on the sink and danced around. I took pictures of myself and random things in my room with a camera I found under my bed. When I felt like it, I lay down on my floor. When I felt like it, I moved my arms around in front of my face in what must have looked like some sort of drug-induced interpretive dance. At ten or so, I walked out into the living room and told my parents that I hated math, didn't want to take it again, and wasn't going to try to get a good grade from that point forward.
At some time during the night, I seriously considered a couple of what I thought were great ideas at the time: 1, take my mom's car keys and go driving during the night, since I didn't feel like sleeping. 2, pack up, move out of the apartment altogether, find an abandoned house, and paint murals on all of the walls. (I've actually always wanted to do this, but when I think about it I'm not usually thinking "I want to do that RIGHT NOW.") I honestly didn't know how I was going to go to school the next day. I didn't FEEL like going to school. There was no POINT in going to school. There was no point in anything, but if everything was equally pointless I might as well do something cool and fun. And I felt like I had to DO something, not just sit around.
Some part of me knew that what was happenning was only temporary, so I stayed in the apartment, even though I could feel nervous energy building up. For a few hours, I coninued the behavior I described earlier. Then at half past midnight or so, I suddenly lay down on my bed and broke down crying. I instantly developed a headache, and a few seconds later, all of the energy drained out of my body. I became exhausted and fell asleep.
...So I'm not sure what all THAT was.
Oh, this is interesting too: Yesterday I was absolutely convinced that it was Tuesday. Like, such that when my parents said that it was Wednesday, I said, "No it's not." I argued the point with them. I had to check on my computer before I believed it. Even now, I have no idea where Monday went. I don't remember what I wore or what I ate or what I did in school or anything. It's just gone. This is very scary for me. If I don't remember it, does Monday even exist?
When I woke up, I was fine. In fact, it took me a second to remember how I had felt the night before. This is wierd, since while I was feeling that way it felt like I would always feel that way.
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