Feeling more apathetic than ever. I don't feel attatched to anything I feel or do anymore. For example, I continue to lust after Adam, and part of me hopes he wants me back. But if he did take me back, I don't know if I could start caring again. In my mind, I don't really see the POINT of getting him back, regardless of my feelings. It's as if my brain's saying "Okay Aidan's hormones. Go do your thing and get him back, if that's what you really want. I don't care. I'm not getting involved. (Idiots.)" My mind's given up, so my emotions feel empty and automatic. I just deal with them without thinking about it, knowing they don't matter.
Interviewing my aunt went pretty well. The actual interview was fascinating, since she lived in England during World War Two and fought as a soldier. The only thing was, we were there for five or six hours. I could tell she didn't want us to go. She kept offering us tea. Man, I don't ever want to get old and lonely like that. It's not even like she's a PATHETIC old lady. She's a WICKED COOL old lady. It's just that her husband and all her friends died on her. She lives alone, so even though she goes out and takes art classes and stuff, she doesn't have anyone to talk to most of the time. So she talked and talked and talked to us... and even though I felt bad I just had to get out of there after a while. The apartment was tiny and smelled like new carpet, and I was getting all fidgety and had a headache. Eventually we left, and I came home and sat around.
You know, It feels good to care. I never seem to realize that until I get into one of these phases where I don't give a shit about anything.
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