Work: End of the workday on Wednesday. I’m just D.O.N.E. The last two days have been the longest two days I’ve had in a long time - back to back meetings, hours and hours of presentations to prep for, hours and hours of presentations to customers and to the executive committee, AND I gave my staff (what’s left of them) their appraisals yesterday. Stressful!
So yeah, I told you that my staff got cut by two heads, right? Emotional A and her assistant, Emotional J. I am now making up for those two positions, personally. It’s a drain and I’m constantly behind.
Negative C is still negative and getting worse because I don’t have time to spoon-feed her anymore. She’s still negative and just sucking the energy right out of me…and I told her this in her review. She about lost her shit and didn’t sign her review. But the thing is, she didn’t even get a bad review! She got a GOOD review because she does really GOOD work. It’s just that she’s such a NEGATIVE PERSON and a poor team player and can’t deal with the reality of someone straight-talking with her.
And I’m on our company’s leadership committee (for directors and above…even though they still refuse me a director title), and we’ve been working on extra projects due to the big changes taking effect (acquisitions, etc.). So that’s even more projects on top of projects I can’t complete and don’t have time for.
Some days I wish we’d just sell the company and I’d get my stock payout and get the eff out.
My counterpart, R., actually walked out on his job a week ago! This, after he’d been given a promotion! He finally got fed up and started speaking up and back to his boss and then our CEO, and they basically told him to just go home and they’d pay him until the end of the year, but that they’d heard quite enough, thank you very much.
My boss is actually being very cool with me…but then again, I haven’t been given my review, and he is 100% averse to confrontation. This should be interesting.
I’m just TIRED. I go home from work 110% drained and hardly have any energy left to do anything. I can barely walk the dog. I go to bed as early as possible, but then I wake in the middle of the night with so many things swirling around in my brain that I’m awake for the rest of the day. Today I woke at 3am and I’ve been up since then.
Must create an elegant exit plan. I know I’ve said it before. But it’s a must-do.
Turning 49: My birthday is one week from today. I have big issues and they are getting bigger and they revolve around my body and my brain…and I guess my soul. I’m out of whack and I know what I need to do to get back into whack and that’s get myself back to the gym and back on a healthy diet. I am in a bad place that feels like depression, but I also know how to help depression and that’s exercise and eating right - those two things are absolutely KEY for me. I’ve been here before and I know what works.
So my promise to myself is to get that gym membership back, which requires me to sign back up at the gym I don’t really like because they are open during off hours. I can’t make it to a “regular” gym because of my work schedule combined with my commute and doggy daycare, and I need to take classes and I need to take them at 7pm or later due to my crazy schedule! It sucks, but I have to do something and this is the something that I know to do. So even though the gym sucks, I know it will be a good thing for my mind, body, and soul in the long run. Once I get back on track then I think I can re-evaluate the situation and move to a different gym if I decide to do that.
Also, with regards to my body, I’m in a poor body image place where I feel too chunky to be seen naked and that’s really messing with my love life. So even if I was in a place where I really WAS going to do the nasty with The Tree, I’m totally insecure about it anyway. Can you believe this? At nearly 50? I have body issues and relationship confusion and UGH…it was all supposed to be easy when I got older.
But this is a good segue into…
Tree Love: This deserves a whole Tree entry, of course, but I’m gonna just put the summary right here. I am still confused and even though we’ve had two WONDERFUL evenings together (Sunday AND Monday), it’s the time in between that makes me wonder. Since he doesn’t like to talk on the phone and his texting habits are all kinds of weird - and I do mean VERY STRANGE, I am at a loss. The other odd thing is, he’s said he wants to be my boyfriend (!!!!), and I can actually see and feel it when we’re together, but it’s the time apart that leaves me baffled and scratching my head. I know I read too much into things sometimes, but again my intuition tap, tap, taps me on the shoulder and says, “Hey, you better listen.”
Other Tinder: I got nothing. It’s too hard to concentrate on much more than one person. Granted, yes, I was seeing a few guys at once there for a while…but seeing as The Tree is not necessarily taking root, I would like to have some other potential, but I’m struggling with the content. I have scraped the bottom of the Tinder barrel and I feel like I’m only pulling up barnacles. The struggle is very real. Plus, I’m tired. And I’m down on myself. Not a good combination for finding true love, eh? Still, I won’t give up! I just have to slow down for a moment and catch my breath and reassess my priorities.
Upcoming Fun: I’m excited for the first weekend in November when I meet [Elaine Benes] for a ride in her fancy car through the crazy mountain passes of Tennessee/North Carolina!! We are going to have SO MUCH FUN! And then, later in the weekend, I’m going to meet up with my crazy college ex-roommate and some other friends for another series of events! It’s going to be a very interesting long weekend, to say the least (I’m taking the first Thursday and Friday of November off work).
Other Stuff: I gotta make a Halloween costume. I’m going as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland for our work event and haven’t even started and don’t have much motivation. It’s a pretty complex and involved costume, I think. I think I’ll just go as a simplified version, maybe? I already have the red hair…I just need everything else! When am I going to do this? Certainly not this weekend - it’s our final Brunch Upon a Time brunch club event for 2016! I’m sure to drink bottomless mimosas and then sleep the rest of the day.
Ugh - exhausting. I really do need to find my energy and focus.
Until later, lovelies.
xo,
GS
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