Oh God. Do I ever not feel like doing my math homework. Today was going pretty well until I saw Adam and the girl at lunch... He had his arm around her this time. I sat there for a while and tried to feign interest in the conversation I was having with Eric, Molly and Dave, but eventually I just said "I'm... gonna... go" and got the hell out of the cafeteria as quickly as I could without looking even vaguely in their direction. I hope he noticed. I was pretty down throughout health and the practice I had with Julian, Dave and Greg, and I'm still pretty down now. Health was especially bad. I could barely concentrate. I had this horrible chest pain and nausia. I know that the health teacher noticed. I was half expecting/hoping that she would take me aside after class and ask me what was wrong. (You know, because she's a health teacher.) But she didn't. I can't believe none of my friends have said anything either. And Molly KNOWS the girl. I can't believe she never told me. I mean, obviously it's a little late for that now, but I haven't even gotten a "Listen Aidan - He's a jerk." or an "I can't believe he's doing that right in front of you." Everyone just pretends it's not happenning. Maybe they think it doesn't bother me. I suppose I TOLD everyone I was fine. I told my mom I was fine too, and I think she believes it. So I guess the only people who know how I REALLY feel are you people. I hope my friends noticed my leaving too.
I suppose this is the good kind of depression. I classify depression as "good" or "bad" based on whether it increases my creativity. Yesterday I felt like shit (as you may have been able to tell from my entry.) So I ended up playing my guitar and flute for about three hours total, and I litterally played the depression out of my system. By the time I went to bed I was decidedly happy. I'd try that again, but I just got back from playing music for over two hours. It felt good, but it didn't improve my mood overall. I don't have the chest pain or anything anymore, but I still feel sad and cold.
Well, things are going well musically, I guess. Except that Dave still can't play the Jethro Tull bassline.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, that thing with Julian is still there. I'm just choosing to dismiss it for now because it's stupid.
Loading comments...