Thursday in New Diary

I had a very bad night. All the talk about not worrying did me no good I could not help think that something very terrible was about to happen. Also had the feeling that I did something very wrong and would have to pay for it. I think worrying developed into a full fledged anxiety attack

I played computer games all night long. I kept playing this chess game I have. The more I played the worse the anxiety became I wanted to sopt I wanted to lie on my couch and watch tv. I just could not do it. I was addicted to this stupid game. as if it had some kind of hold on me.

I think I might have forgotten to take one of my meds. That might have been the problem. I was supposed to take it at 6:30 In any case I took one at midnight. I started getting sleepy around 1 this morning and went to bed at 2

Then I had some very weird dreams. I remember this one dream I was at a family get togetyher. I think it was a wedding. For a wedding present we had to chip in money for a burial plot. Then I was wearing a dress. I didn’t go to ceremony but I was at the reception. my nephews were all sitting together talking. They were talking about me and didn’t incite me over. I remember this one nephew thought I was sick. He was very upset with me because I came in a dress.

I saw my brother at the reception. He was living with family in Pittsburgh. I said now that I know where you live I can come for a visit. He wasn’t too crazy about the idea. But at least we parted on civil terms

I was going home from Pittsburgh to Weirton. I was on a bus. I had to give directions to the bus driver. There were all kinds of people on the bus. One of them had these dogs. They were giving birth to puppies. One dog was under my seat. She was just giving birth Puppies were everywhere. and they were making a mess.. For some reason the bus driver was angry with me. I had to get off just before hit Weirton. I ended up being stranded and it was a long walk to my apartment

That was about all I remember of that dream. Dreams are very strange.

Anyways I am feeling better Anxiety or panic attack or whatever it was is gone I think I’m back to my old self

Remember the good things the positives. 1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have insurance that pays for most of the cost of my meds. 3 I have food to eat. 4 I have clothes to wear. 5 I have a wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip. 6 I am in good physical health. 7 I am not addicted to alcohol or drugs. 8 I have a worker that comes in and cooks and cleans. 9 I have phone, internet and cable tv. 10 I have plenty of books to read. 11 I am debt free. 12 I have an SSI and Social Security check. 13 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways.

LIfe is pretty good. There is no need to worry or get depressed