Exhausted... in Book of M...

I really just want to go to bed right now, but unfortunately that’s not really an option. I at least have to get everyone fed.

I have to go to this fashion show thing with K tomorrow night bc I said I would. It’s in the boro so a little but of a drive. Plus K wants me to leave work early to meet her and I feel like I’m missing too much already. Then she basically invited this guy from work over to my house tomorrow night which would normally be fine except I need to clean. And I know that thought never crosses her mind but I care what my house looks like when people come over.

I should have come home earlier today but I didn’t. I had told M about my pb. He asked if he could read it and so today I let him. I was really worried about it bc this is my personal space, thoughts, and feelings. He enjoyed reading and said he liked the truth. It went a lot better than I expected. I suppose it’s entire possible that he thinks I’m even more pathetic now but I hope not. I’m not stupid. I’m not some little lovesick school girl who actually expects a happily ever after. I mostly expect nothing, that’s easier. I know he’s taken. I know I’m not his type. He goes for pretty girls. I know that for someone like him about the best I could hope for would be a one night stand or a couple of meaningless sexual encounters. And I guess right now I’m ok with that.

He did ask me about the falling in love with him stuff. I never said I was in love with him. That’s too much too soon when I don’t know enough. Yes, I have let myself fall completely for pretty much everything I’ve come to know about him thus far, but that’s certainly not enough for me to say I’m in love with him. Infatuated, most definitely. Interested in finding out every possible detail, can’t wait.