10/14 in --

I’ve been trying to write this for three days.

I’m busy. And tired. And worn out. And everything in between.
Life is a giant web of complexities that I’m slowly and arduously trying to untangle. I have emotional setbacks often, especially this past week.

I am not sure where to begin.

I got a job as an aide in a preschool classroom. I like the job, but it doesn’t pay well for someone who has a bachelor’s degree. I’ve been applying to other jobs and I haven’t had an interview outside of the one that got me this job yet. It’s frustrating and makes me weary. I think what I need to do is spruce up my resume. I’ve been pretty clueless and I’ve been using a pretty plain template, since I figured that was better than frills. So, I’ll start from square one when I have time, I guess.

Graduate school is going okay, but taking nine hours while working full time is way more exhausting than I initially planned for… add two kids and a household on top of that, and I fall asleep shortly into every episode of anything I try to watch on Netflix by the time I’m in bed.
I’m so glad it’s almost halfway through the semester.

I miss Pokemon Go.

My kids are doing well in daycare and preschool. I miss them all the time. I’m used to seeing them all day, everyday, and I don’t anymore. They don’t seem to be traumatized by the transition, so I guess it’s fine, but I feel very guilty. I do admit that I feel more fulfilled working than when I was a stay-at-home parent. I just wish the job I had was one that I felt was utilizing my intellectual skills and analytical potential.
I’ll hopefully find one that does… sooner than later.

I need to do something fun, but I don’t know the next time I’ll get an opportunity to do that. I’m feeling pretty blue.

And exhausted. The past couple nights I haven’t gotten much sleep. Cannon was throwing up last night (thank goodness I already had the day off work today), and the night before that they were both up crying a lot.

I’ve been struggling with trying to figure out where my career will go/what I want to do with it. I’d love to get into research but most of the research jobs are in health-related fields, and my background is anything but that. My master’s is in higher education administration, which would give me a good job, but the issue is that I can’t find a proper entry level job that would allow me to move up the ranks. I guess all I can do is keep applying for jobs. I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen with all of that and I’m feeling uneasy and upset about it. I guess most people don’t exactly know where their career will take them though.

I’m mostly struggling it with all of the questions hanging around life, and how unstable and unsure everything feels. This has always been a constant in my life, but I have never accepted it. I can’t. I don’t want to. I crave stability and I crave some sort of place. I’ve never found it, and I so desperately want to. I’ve always been ambitious but I’ve never known what to do with it. It’s hard.

Last updated October 14, 2016