Stupid... in Book of M...

If you haven’t heard the song you should check it out… Kacey Musgraves. I think it’s interesting.

I’m tired today and a little sore. My shoulder from the touch up. Just a small spot so no big deal. Had J at work put stuff on it for me because I can’t reach it.

Ate lunch with my dad. Trying to plan on when to put up goat fencing. Probably not this Sunday but the next. Going to get ex hubby and maybe his dad to help so I can get it done quickly. I also need to add more support to part of my deck so I can get my hot tub moved. Also need to have my uncle look at the electrical. I need to get all this done before it turns off cold.

I did at least get some cleaning done this past weekend but I have more cleaning and sorting to do. I’ll get there.

I felt bad yesterday. After going to get my tattoo worked on I hung out at K’s house for a little bit then I headed home. I decided to stop by work to pick up some empty milk jugs bc my last one cracked and leaked everywhere and I felt like a bad pet parent bc I really needed to dump the goats water bucket and refill it but there’s no way I was going to carry a bucket of water up the stairs and not make a ridiculous mess… so jugs. Anyways, so M starts telling me about how he and his gf got into this huge thing the night before. I’m sure it was a lot of things but it basically sounded like she’s upset because he doesn’t want to rush into marriage and she feels like she can put a 2 year time limit on a proposal, which would be like now. But then on top of that he tried to initiate, she asked if he was tired, he said yes, so she pushed his hand away, but then got upset and started crying bc he didn’t try again? That part is kinda all too familiar.

It was probably about 3 years into my marriage when the sex just became nonexistent. I don’t know what exactly caused it but I’m sure a combination of things. We weren’t pregnant. He was feeling more insecure. I dunno. But we started having the initiation talks. He wouldn’t initiate and when I would try anything he didn’t seem interested. That went on for months, then years. We never could get pregnant. We had him tested, he was fine, it was my fault. At the time I tried everything we could afford, clomid, ovulation shots, never helped. The clomid made me crazy. And eventually it got to a point where I decided that if he had no interest in paying attention to me or having sex with me then I’d explore other options. We tried an open relationship for a few years before we gave up entirely. I got what I wanted and he got to put his head in the sand and ignore the problems. Now we have a good relationship. We were best friends for years, from the time we were 15. We’re still really great friends and tell each other most everything, even about dating and such. No one really gets it, but we were always better friends than lovers. And people think we’re weird for that. But fuck them.

Anyways, I feel bad for anyone having to have that conversation.