Reset and readjust in 2016

12:46PM

I probably won’t finish this right now, but I need to start writing down thoughts. I figure if I am sitting here at the computer, coming up with entries in my head, I may as well put some of those thoughts into words. They’ll just end up as random thought bubbles if I don’t. Forgotten in the vast reaches of my over-thinking mind.

So, we made it back home! Left Florida yesterday afternoon. Apparently made it out just in time before Hurricane Matthew starts showing his true colors. Crazy how we were originally trying to find ways to stay longer, but everything works out for a reason.

I am also still currently sitting in my pjs, on the couch, in the middle of this afternoon. Recovering from trips is a trip in itself. I can’t remember what I’ve mentioned about everything that I had going on, but I was literally home for less than 28 hours before I turned around and went out again. Including the time between getting home at almost midnight on Thursday and trying to get a full night’s sleep for the first time in days. It’s been insane, to say the least.

But I am home now. Safe and sound. Recovering and soaking up all the moments of quiet recharge that are offered. I would have liked to sleep in more considering we also got home after 11:30 last night, but I was up around 8:30am. That three hour time difference will do funny things to your sleep patterns. Hopefully I can reset and readjust before any more travel. You just never know though.

Before I go into too many more details about all that, which will actually probably have to wait until later considering I need a shower and some sunshine, I’ll tell you how I’m in the middle of another terribly impatient moment in regards to TF. And I’m typing it out in here to keep myself from fretting and contemplating all the different things I could be texting him right now.

I haven’t heard from him in over a week. After that moment last Tuesday where he was way too forward via text and I panicked and reminded him that he was ignoring my speech about “not looking for anything” and that that wasn’t code for friends with benefits. He replied with an “Lol” and I haven’t heard a word from him since.

Pretty sure I scared him off. =\
It’s just that, honestly, if it weren’t for how bold/forward he’s been on the texts then this whole thing would be pretty perfect for me.
Quick sidenote: In reality they aren’t that shocking but I’m shy and quiet and it’s crazy weird to have someone say they want to kiss me. ack. The awkward teenage girl inside of me starts freaking out!

Maybe it’s just that I’d like to know, or at least think, that he actually wants to get to know me instead of trying to jump into my pants. That might not be his intention at all [not wanting to get to know me] but it sure is coming off that way. Geez. I mean, at least pretend you like the idea of hanging out with me sans physical affection, and care to discover that my brain is actually my best feature.

But oh well. Boys, right? Whatcha gonna do?

I was about 7 whiskeys in the other night [yay work conventions ending with free drinks!] and I was desperately searching for the right words to say to him. I typed, and subsequently deleted, so many text messages. Like I want to get in touch, and figure things out, because I’m clearly the worst person when it comes to waiting. Hence why I refused to miss my opportunity to give him my number that last time. Let’s just start this thing already, whatever it is. [But don’t move so fast yo! Buy a girl a drink first!]

I couldn’t figure out if I should ask if I scared him away, or what happened to being BFFs, or saying something about getting all serious after 30+ hours on the road with little sleep. It’s hard to know where to take this. I could even just say, “what’s up”, even if I really want to say, “wtf dude!” See? So many options. But, despite the whiskey, my better judgement found me and kept me from sending anything. Then I got home late last night and Mom was standing in the kitchen doing a quick browse through the paper, and I had an urge to read my horoscope. She pulled up to that page and I popped over her shoulder to read: A vexing situation tempts you to rush to set it all straight. But it’s best to let things sort themselves out so that you can get a better picture of the challenge you’re facing.

Which, come on, how do you not pay a bit of attention to that?? That’s like my life’s motto, letting things sort themselves out, and surprisingly I have not been saying that really at all in this situation. It’s probably time that I do. If he really is interested in me then he will put a little more effort into it. I know I have said this before - I won’t change for anyone. This is just the way that I am. Take it, or leave it. I don’t know how to be anyone else and some times that’s going to include the serious/crazy/amazingly quirky stuff too. =]

It’ll figure itself out.

Now back to life and not wasting this entire day!

rose.
1:25pm