the way it goes in 2016

9.17.16
8:44pm

Well, I’m currently sitting in bed in the Laughlin hotel where I’m staying. I haven’t been here in years, except that one quick stop over the 4th of July a couple of years ago when we didn’t even stay. I remember now why I love it so much. It’s peaceful, mostly quiet, relaxing with the water outside. There are tons of old people, which is totally fine by me. I like old people, and they like me! It’s basically Vegas but way more relaxed. And the reason I don’t like Vegas is because of all the young raucous crazy people running around drunk and stupid. Old people are pretty crazy too, but they tend to be more funny and less stupid.

So the flight in was only like 52 people. I’m 99% certain that I was the youngest one on the trip. Like people were looking at me funny I was so out of place. haha. But it was an amazing deal! I wish I could come here more often. I’ve got to find myself a guy that’ll be low-key and want to hang out here on the river with me instead of going to vegas.

Even mom’s already planning my wedding out here. hah. Since Y just got married, I think it’s been on her mind a lot lately. We were just walking by a boat today and she suggested that I could get married on a boat like that on the river. Funny enough, someone was getting married on there today. hah. Yeah mom. Let’s work on getting me a date first!
[It would kind of be fun though. And in theory it’s actually a pretty decent idea. I loved that Y’s wedding was so small and intimate. It felt like hanging out with your family in the backyard and I love that, but I know way too many people. Plus I hate hurting anyone’s feelings. So a destination wedding may be the way to keep it small. If it were to ever happen far off in the future!]

Speaking of potential dates: I finally got a text back from TF. We’d gone home after the Chamber lunch and before the Expo on Thursday. We had some time to kill so we went to hang out at home. It was almost 2pm and I’d just gotten a text from a friend up in Oregon while I was relaxing on the bed. I got up to get a beer because duh, that’s what everyone does before a work event! hah. I’m kidding. I had a ton of time left.

So I got back to my phone to send the update on my uncle and I saw another text. It said, “What’s up Rose!!!!!” Which I realized is what he’s been saying whenever he sees me around the office. It didn’t click until I saw it in writing.

We did a little bit of back and forth. I accused him of being worse at the text thing than I am. He did a lot of writing followed by exclamation points and too many question marks. Like, “Yeah, I’m pretty bad!!!” haha. I called him enthusiastic. That’s kind of what he’s like in person though. He doesn’t sit still at all.

I told him I was working and then admitted I was lying and was actually at home drinking a beer. He called me a lush. haha. And kept trying to figure out what I was drinking. I said I wouldn’t tell him because he’d laugh and he said he wouldn’t. So I finally said that it was coors light [some people are real beer snobs, I was just being cautious. haha.] He said that was cool. He sent the text at almost 3 though and I was already back at the Expo.

It is now Tuesday the 20th. I am home from Laughlin and should be heading to bed. Actually, I should have gone to bed an hour ago but we got home late from a friend’s house and I am trying to wind down. Also, I realized that I never finished this and thought I may be able to whip it up before I fall asleep. It’ll help to get thoughts out anyway.

So, where was I?
Ah, the Expo. I restrained myself from responding until I got out of there. It wasn’t a terrible time. Pretty quiet. Not a lot of foot traffic but it was the first one they’ve ever done so it could have been worse.

We got home at almost 6:30 and I shot TF a text saying that yeah it was a good beer after a long day at work and then asked if he was much of a beer drinker. And made a joke about knowing that he likes tequila [because he’s been promising to bring us some since forever!]

About 10 minutes later he said, “I like to drink.” I giggled at the comment, but was standing outside getting ready to water the flowers and overhearing a conversation between my mom and a family friend who is about to have open-heart surgery. Within a minute or two my phone started ringing and I looked down to see he was calling so I walked outside the screen door and picked up. Only I couldn’t really understand what he was saying. It was coming out like a half-mumble type speech and I didn’t want to ask him to keep repeating himself. heh.

I finally understood something about when we were going to hang out. And I think I confirmed what he was saying and then thought I heard “dancing” so asked if that was what he said. He said sure. haha. [It might have been “drinking” that he’d said] I said I wasn’t much into that, or very good at that, and I think he made a joke about my generation being into twerking. HA. How old does this guy think I am? I’m pretty offended by that remark. Mostly I just did a lot of laughing though. And probably saying “no way” a lot to the things he said.

He asked when I was free and I said I was going out of town the next day [Friday] and wouldn’t be back until Monday. So he suggested something mid-week, like Wednesday/Thursday and I said that would be good. I mentioned something about working on Wednesday and he goes, “yeah, I work too! It’s not like I just get to sit around all day.” Hinting and joking about my relaxed work schedule. I made jokes about how I thought everyone was on that schedule.

Then at some point he asked me to send him a picture and I basically called him crazy. Said that I couldn’t do that. It wasn’t really my thing. When I asked what for he said he wanted to put it in his phone to remember what I look like. I told him that it hadn’t been that long since he’d seen me and he would remember. That’s when he said he had a terrible f-ing memory and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever heard him curse. I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Clearly cursing is not a problem for me, but it was interesting enough to make me take note.

We didn’t say much else. I could tell he was trying to get off the phone but I accidentally kept talking before I picked up on the cues. Then he finally said that he’d gotten to wherever he was going [his home? or some location? I didn’t hear] and said, “we’ll talk later, ok?”in question form, which also caught me off guard. Just the way he said it. Like asking me if it was ok that we talk again. hah. I don’t know. I said ok and we said bye.

A little while later I got another text from him asking me to send a picture. Honestly this whole picture thing tripped me out a little. My mind went straight to the gutter and I was super trying to avoid. I ended up responding and saying, “you’ll be fine without it, trust me.” and made a joke about how I thought he was already stalking me on fb anyway. He said he’d lied, just like I had. ha. I should not have said that to him earlier. I can only imagine the amount of times he’ll throw that at me. I just called him a quick learner and said there were plenty of pictures on there if he could find me. He responded that he couldn’t find me at all.

Now, I’ll admit that I’d already looked him up. [Did I already admit this? probably…] After he said that he was fb stalking me I went to look again and found that his profile had disappeared when I started to type the name. I’d found it previously but now it was gone. So I went to look again this day and it took some searching but it came up again and I poked around. This was the first time I’d actually clicked on the picture to see what else was there. Turned out to be just a few pictures of him and the kid and not much else. It was interesting to see pics of him though.

While this was happening I sent another text asking if he’d really tried looking and sent him the name I use on there, which is super popular [he knows me be my first and middle name and it’s only Rose on there] I said it shouldn’t be that hard to find. His response was just “ok. ok. ok.” which I think I’ve already mentioned he says a lot. Then later he said there were like a million people with that name. I laughed and said that I’d forgotten that he didn’t understand my sarcasm yet.

At six something the next morning [darn early risers!] I got a text saying that sarcasm doesn’t translate well via text. A couple hours later, after I was fully awake, I said that I thought we might be in big trouble and that I thought he’d get the joke because it was probably one of the most common names. He immediately responded with an “Lol” and I haven’t heard from him since.

There wasn’t much more I could say to that. I’m more of the back and forth type. Letting everyone take their turn. I thought he’d contact me today, especially considering how he’d tried to set something up for tomorrow or Thursday. I’m not really sure what I’ll say if he gets in touch tomorrow.

Clearly, we all know, that my brain is wondering whether or not I said something wrong. I don’t know how big of a deal the picture thing was. I don’t know what he wants me to do about fb. I mean I could add him but that’s not really my style. None of that is my style and I honestly am not willing to change for anyone. Not those kinds of things at least.

I decided a long time ago that I was just going to be who I am and you can take it or leave it. There’s no point in being fake early on only to have someone discover the real you later and be disappointed. This is me. All of me. And I am really so good on my own that I will not compromise. Sorry, but it’s not worth it.

This is like the only time that I’ve “started”, or considered starting, something with someone and been pretty indifferent to the outcome. Perhaps it’s because I don’t know him that well. Or perhaps it’s because I still can’t decide whether he’s the bad boy type who probably goes on a date with a different girl every week, or he’s that guy who blushes when we tease him and is too shy to directly ask for my number.

Or maybe this is just how grown-up stuff works? Like clearly the obsessing lust stuff doesn’t work. I just need something real. We could be friends, or we have the potential to be more, but I will not jump and I will not chase. Lessons have been learned and that’s just the way it is. So we’ll see where it goes, or doesn’t. Either way, I’m happy right now and just trying to enjoy every bit of life despite feeling like I’m sometimes running around without my head. ;)

rose.
12:00am

Last updated September 21, 2016