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It seems to be the only thing on my mind lately which is kinda bad.

The other day we were upstairs talking and it was just the 2 of us and I was tickling him randomly. He grabbed my hand and put it on the desk but instead of letting go he just held my hand. I wasn’t trying to pull away and he wasn’t really trying to keep me from pulling away. He just held my hand like that for a couple of minutes. Like it was almost awkward but nice.

Also on Thursday we were sitting in the break room. Only he didn’t sit in his normal seat bc he knows I normally sit there on days. So then I didn’t sit there either and it was kinda funny. Bc one time when he came in and I was sitting there he was like your in my seat and then sat on my lap.

I daydream too much. I spent entirely too much time this weekend laying in bed and daydreaming/fantasizing about him.

And it’s weird, because I know just how problematic it would be. We work together for starters. Then family stuff. Like even though I’m sure his dad thinks I’m nuts he still seems to like me fairly well. I’m not sure that my dad has much of an opinion about M himself bc we’ve never really talked about him, but I know he thinks M’s dad is stupid and lazy along with a few other things. I don’t think he’s all wrong but I don’t think he’s right either. Then there’s the motorcycle. My parents would probably flip out a little bit about that. But overall I think my dad would get along with M a lot better than my last bf. Mainly because M is a more of a guys guy I guess. He’s not the college smart type but he’s not stupid, though he seems to think so at times. But he’s the get out there and work on the tractor or try to fix his ac or work on his motorcycle type. And he might not be super knowledgeable about it but he’s going to get in there and try. I think my dad would respect that if nothing else. Plus his dad raises cows etc. so he is used to and isn’t afraid of hard work.

Plus he’s friends with the guys that I like at work. And he makes me laugh. And he’s an amazing kisser. And he’s a good listener. And we agree on lots of stuff. And he’s nowhere near perfect but I think he might just be perfect for me.

The thought of actually sleeping with him kinda scares me though. But it’s because he has a lot more experience than me or the guys I’m used to and what if for him sex with me is nothing special? That worries me a little bit. And I know I’m getting ahead of myself but it’s floating around in the back of my mind.

Enough about him and time to get going today.

Last updated October 12, 2016