I just got an email from Sara in Sometimes I feel dead inside

I thought it was from a girl that turned my life upside down. it probably isn’t her fault, I didn’t know better and fell in love with the idea of her. which was someone she could/would never be. holding her every word she ever said as the complete gospel of my love life. hearing what I wanted not seeing the truth. she was lonely and happy to see a man not intimidated by her. thought I was intimidated by the idea she was perfect and I was a joke. it was a mismatch made of perfect timing and lasting disappointment. she is beautiful to me still even after every mistake I’ve seen her make. even after she picked up all the scrapes, knicks, and chips she has. but I created a pathetic person in her mind that can never be replaced. I learned from my failures with her. almost wish I could be who I am now in that situation. be the person she saw, because that is a part of who I am. she saw the good part and I showed her the everything way too soon. here I am years later she hasn’t thought about me in quite a while and my moderately intoxicated mind wishes it could’ve been more. even while there is a different girls asleep on my shoulder insisting on having a sleepover. does this make me a monster? or am I just working with what I have available to me? my self confidence has constantly screamed I’m the man of your dreams who you met in a dive bar. its probably not too far from the truth. thought i don’t feel a thing as i’m still hung up on a ghost. i wouldn’t want her to know, i wouldn’t bother to tarnish my already sad image. her mistakes have also ruined her for me. i watched as she did everything she told me she’d never do. the stupid naive mistakes she was smart enough to see and didn’t care to avoid. i had to sit back and bite my tongue. she’s no longer a part of my life and i’m not in her’s i doubt if i am even an after thought or a thought at all. it doesn’t really matter, i’m not going to seek her out. i just had a moment. and then its gone

Last updated August 26, 2016