we can take it slow in 2016

9:15pm

Sometimes I wish time would slow down.
Do I say that often? Because I feel like I probably mention it every single time I come in here to type. It’s just so quick. The way the world spins around you. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that.

There’s nothing much new to report. We worked every day this week from Tuesday until yesterday. I have no idea how that happened. We’re only supposed to be opening once a week. It’s just busy out of nowhere. We’ll go in again tomorrow, maybe get Tuesday off [although I have to go in for packages], and then we’ll be at the base for the Expo on Wednesday, and Thursday is our regular hours back at the office. It’s crazy. I am so not ready for the regular season and I feel like it’s going to be here a lot sooner than expected.

It’s also August, which means tons of family birthdays. My aunt’s is tomorrow but apparently she doesn’t feel like hanging out with her only family in this state. You know, she’d rather go out with some friends from work who planned it out two weeks ago. Except when I called last week she said she didn’t know what was going on because she’d be working. Whatever. =|

Mom’s birthday is the same day as our Expo and she hasn’t really decided to go anywhere either. Although we did book flights this morning to hit Laughlin next month. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been there, except that quick stop by for 4th of July fireworks two years ago after our 10 states in 10 days trip, where we didn’t even stay. I’m going to try and suck up all of my shy introversion and actually hit the beach to read books and listen to music. It’s not like people will really bother me. It’s just the idea of tons of people running around me that throws me off. It’s like an introvert’s nightmare. heh. 20 seconds of courage, right?

The Expo should be interesting. We haven’t prepped much but it’s not that big of a deal. Mostly we just sit at our table and occasionally answer a couple of questions. We’ll probably run into a client or two who will stop by to share some jokes. Not much to it. I’ll ogle over all the cute soldiers in town and that’ll be that. ;)

I have had this amazing confidence going on lately though! Like I’ve been in love with my hair! It’s just doing this really awesome wavy/curly wild thing that I think looks great. It makes me feel cute, and dare I say, sexy? Almost. Just barely. =]

It just came off really well in photographs on the trip and it looks so good in the mirror that I actually stop to stare at it. I don’t know. It’s not really like a typical style. It’s just wild, and free, and amazing. I’m not used to that. My self-esteem is so low that I don’t even know how I survive each day. I talk a good game but inside I’m mostly dying. My self-confidence is mostly non-existent. So feeling like this about myself is new.

I’m going to go ahead and attribute some of this to The Flirt [TF from now on]. I mentioned a long time ago how he had this way of talking to me that made me feel like a grown up. Like a grown woman. That’s rare for me. Most of my interactions make me feel like a kid. It doesn’t help that I still get carded all the time. But there’s just something about the way he speaks to me, or the way he flirts with me, that suddenly makes me feel like he’s looking at me like an adult. I’m not sure I’ve experienced that before.

Suddenly there’s a part of me that wants to look better, dress better, and be a better person. Is that crazy? Like I want to impress him. I want to look really amazing every day. I’m walking around with this new found self-confidence. I tried on all my dresses this morning contemplating my new seasons’ wardrobe. That’s insane to me.

I won’t attribute it all to him, but it’s not merely a coincidence that he’s shown up in my life right now. If nothing else, I think I’ll learn a lot about myself through him. I’m not sure that makes sense, but it does.

It’ll be interesting to see where this goes. That’s kind of why I’m documenting every thing, or most things, because I’m curious to see where the future may lead. It’s different. In an unexplainable way, as of yet.

rose.
9:56pm