stuck in the middle in 2016

8:53pm

I had trouble sleeping last night. Too busy contemplating the way I would need to wake up at 3:30am to make sandwiches in the future. ha! But seriously, I woke up around 3am and then spent the next 2.5 hrs considering all things. Mostly all things flirt related.

It’s hard to get him off the brain. I’m still in the “I could take it or leave it” mindset but that doesn’t mean that I’m not at least curious to see where it might go. I like that he might like me. I can admit that! I’m only human! Who wouldn’t love to be flattered? Who doesn’t enjoy a little attention now and again?

I guess a part of me was sorta under the impression that he would call today. Or stop by, or something. Since he has to know by now that we work on Wednesdays and things were mostly left floating yesterday.
And maybe also I just wanted him to stop by because in the back of my mind I knew that if he didn’t today I would have to wait at least another week to hear from him, if not more. It could be another 3 months before I see him again. That wouldn’t be quite as exciting. Although, come to think of it, maybe he was thinking about me all those months before August? That would be interesting…and completely flattering.

We’ll see how things go. Perhaps he’ll have the guts to show up without an excuse. I don’t know. I’m going to let this one play itself out. Really! I certainly won’t be chasing him the way I did ck. We all know how that one turned out! I guess I’m just hovering somewhere between wanting to “date” him and wanting to be friends. I don’t want to let the opportunity go, but I also don’t want to jump into anything. It’s very tough for me to decide. Getting to know him better might help. We’ll see.

Just wait and see!

JR finally came by the office today. I gave him a terrible time about any and everything. [Including mentioning that someone thought we were cousins. I didn’t say who but he couldn’t understand why they’d think that anyway] He refuses to tell me why they moved the wedding up to September. When I asked if there was any particular reason [hintbun in ovenhint] he just did that smiling laugh while denying it. I have my doubts. That laugh tends to mean he’s holding out on me.

Is it sad that I hope there’s not a baby involved? I honestly think he’s making the biggest mistake. And I’m not the only one. I’m sure of that. I made mention of thinking they were crazy today. Like telling him without flat out telling him. I don’t want to ruin things. But he asked if I thought he was being dumb. I said that was a relative term and that I wasn’t sure. I’m not going to flat out say that I think he’s being an idiot and will regret this the rest of his life. He also said that I probably thought it was a mistake. I didn’t respond to any of it. I can’t say those things. But he clearly said them himself, so he has to be thinking the same thoughts. I wish he’d realize it before he pulled the trigger.

I also made a joke about doing it “shotgun” style but he still refused to give up information. Whatever. I teased him a lot. Gave him a hard time. Joked about how it was ok he didn’t’ tell me because I knew we weren’t even friends. He’ll tell me if he wants to. I don’t need to push anymore. [I actually made a comment at one point that I was going to stop giving my opinion. He said he wanted to know and I said that I could only tell him so much before he told me to go to hell. Nothing more was said after that] Basically I let him know that I was going to start minding my own business. He has to know what I’m thinking. He’s not stupid and he’s clearly thinking it as well. I guess everyone’s got to learn their own mistakes.

The flirt said that the other day - that he’s always had to learn everything the hard way. That he has to let it beat him down before he realizes it. And I guess maybe he’s not the only one. I just know that if I am invited to that wedding I’m going to have to go. And it’s going to be very difficult to sit there and watch him make that mistake. I’d rather not be invited at all. But we’ll see.

The bbq guy also stopped by today. Apparently he called my mom’s cell phone before ringing the office. Neither one of us can remember when he got her cell phone number! But he ended up bringing in a friend to work with us on some papers. Sat around chatting with me while they did work. And leave it to him to notice my cute painted fingernails. I’d been joking about how no one’s said anything and then today he asked who’d done them for me. When I said I’d done them myself he seemed impressed and asked if I’d do his. ha. He went a little fancy for me requesting red/white/blue and stars. haha. Mine are just this amazing blue with a glitter type top coat. I guess he thought they were flowers. haha. I must be really good at this if people think they look like flowers! And I admitted to maybe having a nail polish obsession, which I just know he’s going to remember and tease me about, even if it’s not really true. I didn’t know what to say. But he still teases me about loving taco bell so whatever. I do always enjoy hanging out and chatting with him. If only he were like 15 years younger. hah.

I need to go to bed now. I tried to rapidly type most of this in the last 20 minutes but I was supposed to hit bed at 10. Today was insanely busy. Everyone showing up at the same time around 5 despite being open all afternoon. We’ll have to go back tomorrow and Friday too. I’m not sure how I survived today. I was absolutely starving by 6:30!

Tomorrow’s a new day though. I just need to figure out how to get some decent sleep tonight!

rose.
10:45pm