Nanda Parbat in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

So… the weekend sucked. Pretty much expected around here… it is why nobody in this town stays around here on the weekends. Well, that isn’t true. Some folks stay around. These are the folks I usually end up seeing. Because they stayed around to get drunk, high, or abusive.

Friday I drafted that letter and wasn’t going to send it. Seriously, the last thing I need is more disrespect from my father and brother. However, the idea of not sending it changed. Friday night, Wife came home crying. Had been crying for the entire commute back home. This weekend? The town is making me agoraphobic. Because leaving the house to the wretched expanse of… nothingness… it consumes me. Leaving the house around here terrifies me in the way that being alone in space for a year at a time terrifies me. And fear is common or growing. Wife was working in the house last night, when she screamed a loud panicky scream and I heard a series of large crashes. I raced to see what it was… she’d heard a noise outside. This is happening more frequently. She isn’t crazy and the noises likely aren’t threatening. But as nobody has fences, nobody controls their children or animals, and as “drunken stagger” and “neighborly harassment” are popular community activities… the vast nothingness in the black of night being interrupted by a surprising noise from just outside your door… makes sense that it rattles her.

Not to mention… my weekends, as prime examples of the loneliness and emptiness of the area, are becoming much more like “the common citizen.” Meaning… I’ve taken to not registering how much I drink on Saturdays and tend to drink too much. Because… of course. I had wanted to come into the office on Sunday but I’ll tell you… I don’t do the work I’m supposed to do when I’m here on the WEEKDAYS. Why would coming in on a weekend change that? I’m not lazy and I’m not incompetent… I’m just filled with hate and apathy for this nightmare. So… yeah. I have to modify the letter, but I need to send it. Wife and I must get out of here. Somehow. And soon!