I have been sick off and on for the past three weeks, it's getting really, really old. Just when I think it's leaving, it keeps coming back, no voice, cough, fever off and on, achy. I've heard whatever this is that is does hang on and on. I'm so sick of being sick.
Xmas sucked. I was alone, daughter with boyfriend's family, my family didn't even invite me this year, or call me. I know I probably could of called and said can I come over but I don't like to do that because of the reactions I get it's always a sigh, "well of course you're welcome" or sometimes it's "well, let me check with whomever." Can't I just get a invite of an enthusiastic response? I can't drive long distances at night because of my eyes so I have to stay overnight when I do go visit them and I'm driving. Last time they told me I couldn't spend the night because they were going somewhere the next day and I just parked my car in a grocery store parking lot and slept til day light comes. It was really, really depressing. And I didn't want to do that again.
Dang, I just want a loving, caring family, I don't have it and I don't know how to stop wanting it. And I don't know how to stop thinking someday I'll have it with my family.
Ever since my hub died I have lost the Xmas spirit and I used to be the one that decorated the day after Thanksgiving (I have over twenty boxes of Xmas decorations), played Xmas music constantly, loved making cookies, ginger bread houses, loved shopping, wrapping gifts and going to the Nutcracker, getting dressed up on Xmas, etc., etc. I have tried to regain it again it just eludes me. I didn't even get a tree this year. I've been told I need to get new traditions for the holidays but I haven't been able to be consistent with anything. Maybe if my daughter has a baby someday I'll get my Xmas spirit back but that won't be happening for a long time.
I'm just down and sick right now and it sucks.
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