10 yrs come an gone. in Adventures of New baby and family

Were does the time go??? 10 yrs have passed since my husband has passed away. 10 yrs....... Its not like I have sat and not participated in life the last 10 yrs. I’ve been front and center living.....have a baby and still with well Mr Crazy.
I think back to the night before he passed.
I had a headache, it was that time of the month and I would get migraine headaches the closer it got. I went to bed early as I couldn’t stand it anymore. it was a hot summer night we had the air conditioning on and I just needed sleep. He opened the door and wanted to talk. Not now I told him, please can we just talk tomorrow I insisted. He tried and I knew what he was going to say and I couldn’t bare with my head hurting so much the conversation. He had been very loving and with the I’m going to try harder and be there for everybody kind of speech.... I love you he told me and I mustered enough energy to say I love you back. And that is really the last time I talked to him.......tomorrow didn’t come for him as I found him the next morning. Part of me feels bad for the pictures I was going to take that day of him and the conversation that he wanted to have, the few minutes more to hear him speak and the few more precious memories I could have had but didn’t. But after all these years it was perfect the way he left it. Andrew played with his dad that day. He hung out with his friend , he saw his parents and said the best goodbye to me by saying I love you.
Maybe having picture from the day before would have put a sad spin on a good day for him or the special time he had with Andrew, maybe the conversation wouldn’t have been as memorable as him saying I love you. I knew him well. It was a tough time. I knew what he would say , how he would respond to most things and the conversation that he would have. Its tough to see someone you know know as well as you do yourself entering really another world without you.
I think about what would have been, I think about how he would have responded sometimes I miss that response. Sometimes I have that response with his son. I know you are looking down and smiling as to how your son is. You are my guardian angel.

Mr Crazy is driving me crazy......he wants to go to California and find work with a buddy from school of his. I’m tired of him acting like a jerk. He’s not taking his meds and thinks that its not him its the entire universe that are assholes and so he can be an asshole to everybody. Of course this entire universe is also holding him back from getting a job and they are all Italians and Catholics.
Go be free.... obviously you don’t care about us and I don’t care either its not like you have really been in babycakes life.

Babycakes is sitting up more and more. He still doesn’t care about food much and when he does , usually throws it up again. I really don’t fell like feeding him veggies and fruits if he’s going to just puke all over later. I will ask the doctor about this when we go see her.

The other kids are getting on my nerves as they are bored and apparently I’m the entertainment committee. I’ve been sick with whatever that was cold sinus thing from the restaurant. The middle one treats him like a doll and wants to move him all over the place and the other teases him by tickling him and asking can he feel it.