Brrrrrr!
Cold front blew through overnight. I don't live in one of the Bitter Cold states, but it's super cold for us pussies here and I'm not looking forward to getting in that parking garage elevator because I'm afraid it might be frozen over and I'll get stuck inside.
I have this fear of elevators that seems to get worse the older I get. Every time I get in one I have a teeny tiny panic attack until the doors open again. I try to take the stairs when I can, but the parking garage where I park locks all doors from the inside to keep the squatters out. I can walk DOWN the stairs that lead to the outside, but I can't walk UP the stairs to get to my car from the outside.
Somehow, the squatters get in and I can't figure out how because if I knew, I'd be using their technique. How do I know the fuckers are getting in? Because last week I got to ride on the only unbroken elevator that contained a pile of diarrhea covered in piss. I am NOT even shitting you - it was horrid.
Believe me, I thought more than twice before stepping inside that little box. I mean, what would you do if you got stuck inside an elevator doubling as a toilet bowl? Problem was, I was in a huge hurry and needed to get to my car ASAP, so I took my chances, held my breath as best I could while having a panic attack and pressed my floor.
Here's what will probably kill you even more. I have a sneaky way of parking on the lowest floor possible (2), so that I barely have to ride in that deathtrap....and it STILL freaks me out to ride that fucker.
And then the kicker on Friday morning was that both of the elevators were broken and I had to go around to where the cars enter and run through when a car drove in. I actually liked that method best, but also feared for my life almost as badly because my fellow asshole parkers drive like shit and there's really no way to walk up the ramp that's not in the way of traffic.
Oh boy. My time is up. Wish me luck today! Happy Monday! GS
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