Sugar crash and video games in Adventure Log [01]

It’s my day off today. It is very important to me since I work for 12 hours for 4 consecutive days. That means I don’t really have time to relax and indulge in my hobbies. Without them, I would not be the person I am. These things define me, for I take inspiration from these moments.

I usually wake up at 5:30am during my days off so I can play with my friends from South East Asia. After having moved here in the US, I never had time to practice anymore, especially back in April when my laptop finally died. Point is, my usual group of friends have become significantly better over time, and I wasn’t able to catch up with them. I don’t like to admit it, but I know I’m being the liability in the team this way. So no more point in waking up so early to play, right?

I need to play video games everyday. It’s one of the few things left that makes me feel normal. I have lost my privacy and currently share the room with a talkative person, and that drains me out. It’s also been a very long time since I drew anything. I used to draw a lot. I was very inspired. Now I don’t have the time, materials, creativity, and drive anymore. I took this as a sign that I might be losing my sense of self. That it’s not as simple as ‘transitioning into an adult.’

So today, I decided to stay in bed. I’ve been depriving myself of sleep during my work days just to squeeze in some game time. Got up by 9 am. I remembered that I bought this new coffee pack so I decided to try that out.

Well, I am not supposed to be drinking coffee, or anything with caffeine. My body cannot handle it, and it doesn’t ‘boost’ me like how it does for the general population. But I like how coffee tastes. And it’s my day off, I can risk it since I’m not going out.

Spent my morning playing with playing Overwatch. I think I have played 1 hour straight of just target practicing with bots as Hanzo. I am determined to get better at this game. I really don’t play FPS, but this game looks like it’s worth the effort, not to mention rewarding. I’m skipping Dota 2 nowadays. What’s the point of playing if it’s not fun anymore, right? Even messed with sensitivity and DPI settings. I had no idea of what I was doing. Then when I was consistently getting headshots, I decided to jump in versus AI matches. All the details were kinda overwhelming compared to the target range practice set up, so that tired me out.

In the middle of a match, Zombie PMed me on Steam to play Dota 2 with him. I was already tired at this point, but hey, here’s an opportunity to be with him. He’s quite new with the game, met him through an Unfair Bot match. Added him because he was casual and seemed determined to improve. I like people like that. And so he also introduced me to his wife, Sofia, who he’s also learning the game with.

It was exciting for me. I really loved the social aspect of Dota. I don’t have friends to hang out here with me physically. Most of my interactions are through Facebook friends, which is fun. But it’s really different when you’re doing something with people in real time.

So we partied together, queued for a coop Unfair bot match. I could really see that they have huge rooms for improvement, but still loved them all the same. After the match, Zombie invited another person in the party. Name is Xavian. Upon closer inspection of his account, he turns out to be 3k MMR.

…Okay, I was worried that we’ll just bore him in the game. But I’m guessing X is their real life friend, so I rode along. Said hi and all the niceties. Was ready to queue for another coop bot match when X suddenly goes: let’s play lobby.

Set up was: X with 4 medium bots, then the three of us with 2 unfair bots.

He said it will be challenging for him, and realistic for us. Which is true. I really wanted to play against a good player, but have been too shy to ask my friends. I wanted to test my mettle. I thought about having to carry Sofia and Zombie since I’ve seen how they perform. If all else fails, I’ll just take advantage of the bots and feed on them, then I’ll do relentless split pushing.

Before the match began, he declared his hero. Storm Spirit. Since Sofia was practicing with Drow, X said that Silence counters him hard so Drow is a good pick. I knew what he was doing. It was true about the Silence counter, but Drow is an easy pick off for a good Storm. X asked Zombie to keep practicing with his best hero, Undying. He didn’t tell me anything, so whatever.

My mind was racing. Had a feeling that Storm is one of his mains, so I need to counter him. I was really tired at this point, and kinda panicked when I chose DP. Well DP has a silence. That’s it. And she has wave clear, decent pushing, and some tankiness. But I never really play DP. I thought, hey yolo. We have Drow, so I should be getting good damage early game for the laning stage.

Without word, I took mid. I just had to face off against the guy. He only had some branches and a Salve, probably rushing Bottle. I made it my mission to make his life hell, but he’s still very good with farming despite the harrassments. I over-prepared by getting 8 tangoes. Which did nothing since he passively farmed.

I liked the laning stage. I think I learned some things from that part. And then when people started moving around the map, I find myself being more aware. I knew where to go, where not to go, and what to do. But sometimes, I become over confident and end up dying because I don’t have mana sustain.

I realized that it was the biggest mistake I’ve done. I invested on Power Treads, then Aether Lens. No mana DP= useless DP. I saw Storm with a Soul Ring. I wondered whether I should do the same since I have Soul Siphon to replenish my HP.

Storm always targeted me. He knew I was the biggest threat to an otherwise easy match. I was not able to farm, and was forced to settle with Eul’s for HP regen. Thinking about it, I should have gotten Phase over Power Treads, huh.

Then when I was getting good money, I invested in a BKB. 20 minutes in, I find my Drow with Power Treads and 3 Slippers of Agility. I thought nothing of it. I resisted the urge of teaching them stuff because I really just wanted to have a good time; no tryharding.

But as the match progressed, my determination to win grew more and more, to the point that I enabled Open Mic.

So it was the first time I spoke to them. I usually talk to myself when I play, so I was kind of constrained to only talk whenever I need to. Kept it light-hearted and a bit instructional.

The match was very close, but we lost in the end. X admitted how stressed he was, and that was enough for me to be happy. I am glad that I was able to stress out a 3k MMR player. Because my friends that I have abandoned are in that bracket, and it’s like a validation that I still have it somewhere.

They wanted to play some relaxing bot matches after that, but I’ve had enough. I had responsibilities to do. Had to cook, had to finish some paperwork, had to clean the house. It was already 4:30 pm. It’s currently 7:45pm, and I got them all done. Worked my ass off while screaming, “I’m so fucking tired” over and over.

Which I really was. It wasn’t just being tired. It was exhaustion. I crashed from the caffeine and sugar I had. I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to eat, or take a nap, or maybe get a breather to rejuvenate myself.

When I threw out the trash earlier, I had to sit on the ledge where the huge tree is planted. I just sat there. Stared at nothing. I was there for probably 15 minutes doing nothing. No phones, no music, just pure nothing. I had to get back inside the house when this guy walked by for two consecutive times. I want to be alone. I don’t have the energy to smile at people to be polite.

Well I’m feeling better now. No more responsibilities to think of, had a bit of dinner. I think I’ll play Overwatch now.