A long time coming in Everyday life

Whoa! Once again a very long absence. I’ll get better about it one of these days.

I know I only have a few readers on here, but those of you who know me (and followed me over from OD) know that I’ve spent my entire adult life in the journalism field. It’s been a rough slog at times, but there are rare times when I hit that high.

Have you ever heard of an athlete being in “the zone”? For them, everything is happening in slow motion; their swing is making just that right connection with the baseball, or the basketball is floating through the hoop without even touching the rim or the net. That’s how it is when you do good work, whether it’s writing a great headline, putting together a short story, easily handling breaking news situations when you’re “in charge.” That’s a high.

I’ve had what I felt were a few of those lately, but I’ve also hit some lows. Me and my editor have bumped heads repeatedly; it culminated in three years of frustrations recently and a contentious performance review. Some of the criticisms leveled against me were accurate, even if they were twisted a bit; others were outright bullshit.

I found out in that 40 minutes that I have no future where I’m at. That breaks my heart to some degree, because I spent 20 years trying to get a job there. It was a dream destination for me, even if the job (website producer) and hours (overnights) weren’t what I wanted. It’s given me the resources financially to assist my mom, who isn’t good with money. (I wish that she handled her money better and this wasn’t an issue, but that’s another story for another time.) I’ve learned a lot here. But I’m too old (late 30s — I always round up) to be sitting around hoping someone changes their mind about me. The die is cast, I accept it.

We were offered a buyout recently; I would’ve been able to walk away with seven weeks of pay. While it was enticing, I ended up not handing in the paperwork. I would’ve liked that chunk of change and just assumed I’d find something short term to tide me over (say, working as a temp), but in hindsight I think I made the right move.

I’ve made the decision to leave the business, but not leave the realm of communications. I want to tell stories, whether it’s through blog posts, e-mail newsletter, social media. There are avenues out there, many in college communications, some in publishing. My mindset lately has been more upbeat. Part of that is because of a tweak in medications, part of that is realizing that, hey, what are they going to do? Fire me? I’m in a union position, so it wouldn’t be a quick process.

I hope by the time that were to come to pass, I’d be gone.

For now all I can do is do the job to the best of my ability. I take pride in my journalism skills and my news judgment (that phrase means little to people outside the field, but I’m holding onto it, dammit). There is life after journalism, I keep telling myself.

I’ve gotten close to bailing out before, but now is the right time. I do have some marketable skills. That isn’t saying this whole process is going to be easy, but I have confidence that I’ll come out OK on the other side.

But hey, if you wish to light some candles for me or stick pins in a voodoo doll representing my editor, I won’t object.