"Romantic" Reflections/Solar Panels/Another Injury in New Beginnings

I was thinking about my “romantic” history, and by that I mean all the women I was ever smitten with. I realized something interesting, but I’m not sure what it means. Every woman with whom I was ever twitterpated ended up with her perfect guy. Maybe I shouldn’t say “perfect” since no one is really flawless, but they are very, very happily married.

Denise ended up with decent guy. He’s not what I’d consider to be very money savvy. He’s a manager for a utility company, and she works two jobs as a paralegal and bus manager for the local public school system, so combined they make enough to cover their expenses. However, years ago he started rebuilding an old muscle car, which isn’t necessarily foolish, but there’s better priorities for a couple’s finances when they have two kids and a mortgage. There’s a saying that you’ll never recover all the money you put into a car, and I’m not certain how wise expending thousands of dollars into a car when that person has two college educations and a retirement to save for in addition to all the other surprise expenses that come with living life. However, I don’t know the specifics of their livelihoods, so I shouldn’t extrapolate based on what little I do know. However, presuming they’re not fake-booking, they’re clearly in love and staying out of the red.

Lauren (not her real name) hit the jack pot of husbands. He had his own TV show on HGTV, and he’s getting another one. He’s artistic, creative, with chiseled pecks and bulging biceps. They have three healthy, happy children, and basically a perfect family life as if it were ripped right out of a corny sitcom from the 1980s. It makes me feel guilty for being so enamored with her when we were in graduate school. If we had hit it off as more than friends, I would have never been able to provide for her anywhere near the quality of life that she enjoys now. I will likely never be able to provide any woman anywhere near the happiness Lauren enjoys right now. It makes me want to take a vow of celibacy and join a monastery so some woman doesn’t miss out by settling for me.

If Lauren had her dream guy walk right up to her and sweep her off her feet, Anya fell for a friend who was right under her nose. Unfortunately, the friend in question wasn’t me. Getting over Anya was hardest for me, far harder than the getting over the other two. I think Anya was most difficult because she and I had a close friendship as opposed to the other Lauren and Denise with whom I was just good friends with and casually friendly with, respectively. When she chose Chris, I lost a friend I already had strong connections to in addition to a future hope with. I’m not as perturbed by what happened anymore, namely because I can see that she and I weren’t right for each other. I’m decidedly the type who likes to settle down somewhere and she’s the type to be as unattached as possible. I like having professional stability and the financial security that comes with it, and she rather forego those things for the sake of travel and frequent change. She joined the Peace Corps right after college, then she got her PhD in English Literature, and now she’s teaching English in China. That’s all very adventurous and inspiring, but I like waking up to the same sights and sounds every day. I like having a home that I know will always be there. I like getting closer to my goal of retiring early and not having 50 hours of my week owned by an employer. Those aren’t the kind of things she and her husband or moving towards.

I think about how life has played out for Denise, Lauren, and Anya, and I wonder if there’s any meaning to it. Maybe I’m meant to be single. Maybe I’m a good luck charm for women. Perhaps I should try online dating again and have my profile say “Every woman I’ve ever been sweet on has found her ideal spouse, so if we don’t work out, you’re practically guaranteed to meet the man of your dreams.” More realistically, maybe I just go for pretty women, and such women often get what they want. I’m not sure, but enough about that.

In other news, I’m thinking about installing solar panels on my roof. My house faces north, so I half of my roof is south facing, which is ideal for installation. My concern is that I also have tall trees in my back yard, so I worry that that shade my cut the panels electricity production. There’s nothing interfering obstructing sunlight on the north slope of my roof, but I wonder if that would be a viable alternative to the south slope, and I also wonder if they might irritate the neighbors. I’m always concerned about purchasing something that gives the impression to others that I have money. I don’t want to sour anyone else’s grapes. I’d also have to delay paying off my house for another year, maybe longer, but I don’t use as lot of electricity, and I’d likely end up receiving money from the electric company instead of paying it.

I also rolled my ankle in Jiu Jitsu last night. The sprain is horrifically bad, and I got it in the stupidest way possible. We were doing clinch drills where one opponent wears boxing gloves and throws punches, while the other stays out of range until he has an opportunity to shoot into grapping range. I was staying out of range, floating on the balls of my feet, when I flitted to the side, and I must have pointed my left foot too much. When I landed, I hyperextended my foot something fierce. Within minutes, my ankle looked like it had a baseball growing in it. I’m hobbling around today on crutches, telecommuting from home. I’m mostly bummed about how much recovery time I’ll need, probably two months. When I can return to class, I’ll probably get dominated by people I was at least stalemating. I hope this injury doesn’t take forever like when I sprained my right ankle four years ago. It just recent fully recovered to the point where it never causes me any pain.

And my cats didn’t make it any easier. When I returned home, Mama-Cat had caught a young bunny rabbit. I had to hobble around like a zombie to chase it out of the house. Thankfully, the rabbit wasn’t as problematic as a chipmunk. When patches brings in a chipmunk, it usually hides under the furniture, and I have to lift it up to chase downstairs where I can systematically block it’s path until it has to run out the back door. I don’t know how I would have done any of that in my current condition. The rabbit ran to the corner right next to the front door, and just sat there, hiding its fact into the wall. I was able to open the door and coax him out with a broom without difficulty.

Apparently, last night, one of my cats realized I was injured, so to make me feel better, she spent the night hunting, killed a squirrel, and left the remains downstairs for me. She didn’t just kill it, either. It’s entire head was missing except for it’s scalp with the ears attached. It looked like kill out of a horror movie. I really wish they could show their affection in less monstrous ways.