50 Dead N Orlando in Plan B

Today I worked a 12.5 hour shift at work and did not know what was going on in the real world. I call my doggy walker to see how her and Romeo were doing and she said she had to go to a candle light vigil. I did not ask. None of my bizz. Drive on home. Walk the dog and chill out on the couch for a sec and start to read the news feeds on f/b. OMG! WTF! I was so caught off guard. I had no idea it was a “gay” bar or anything. I had no idea this whole fucking thing lasted for hours. It took me for a sucker punch. It did. I have had 2 glasses of wine. No more. I have to work tomorrow or I swear I would drink the rest. Trust me there isn’t that much but still. I know…
I don’t what to say or how to feel. It is similar to the 911, the Boston Bombings on and on and on. Yesterday was my Mom’s Birthday. I know this sounds terrible but I am so glad she isn’t around to see this shit today as to what is going on. She always had one saying and it still rings true today. ” This world is going to hell in a hand basket”. And she is right. I never had so much hate filled NRG ever. So what if two guys kiss in public. It is what it is. Look the fuck a way. Look. A. Way. And please don’t play the religious card on it. Just don’t. You don’t wake up on a monday morning and decide well shit - ” I wanna be gay”.... Trust me ask ANY gay person and they would give anything to be straight just to avoid the shit that they have to put up with today let alone in the 80’s with the HUGE Aids scare. So tuck that in your bible and go on your way.
Then the isis thing kicks in. It dosn’t even deserve a capitol letter. Then the X = Wife comes out of 11 or so years ago. Go The Fuck A Way. Just go. You news whore. Might as well just grind it there on stripper pole. Trust me that stupid bitch will be a 4 minute celeb.
I go to bed obviously with a heavy heart and tears stinging my eyes. It can happen anywhere. Anywhere. So glad I didn’t have any children. Really. Too have “this” shit sitting on their heads no matter how old they are is hard to imagine. There is no escaping it. At. All. None. Look at the young man who gunned down in a movie for texting the baby sitter during the runs for the new movies coming out? Ya, we forgot about that one didn’t we. No wonder I don’t go out in public any more.
You know for the longest time my PTSS hasn’t even raised it’s ugly lil head wellll guess what is quietly but ever so slightly showing itself. Like a kind reminder. ” I am always here. You can’t ignore me. Obviously.”
May there be some kind of peace in all this bull shit. And if you find please do share. Thankyouverymuch.