Sad about not breastfeeding in Adventures of New baby and family

They push breastfeeding so much these days its almost expected that you will and that you aren’t giving your baby a fair chance in life if you don’t. Being a third time mother I’m not that uptight about breastfeeding and not breastfeeding but because of baby #2 I did what I had to. We breastfeed for the first month wonderfully.... he never had a bottle went smoothly till I ended up in the hospital with gall bladder surgery and had to recover. I then got back to breastfeeding till I had the abscessed tooth from hell (hurt worse that having a c-section and gall bladder surgery). After I just breast feed him at night (so I still felt like I was doing it)

This one.......my intention was there but the circumstances sucked.
1) Babycakes was born via a not your normal c-section that I briefly saw him once in about 6 hours. I didn’t get to hold him till then
2) He was also very little 5lbs 8 oz of his little self
3) He had clubbed feet
Despite that I was able to nurse him a little bit till my milk came in and my breasts were bigger than him and he was not able to get the nipple in his mouth as they were hard and sore and HUGE! I pretty sure at that point one of them weighed more than the baby. They gave me a nipple shield and I had to bribe him with sugar water to start. He would only sip on one and was done. He didn’t need that much milk to fill his little tummy and he was satisfied. They finally gave me an electric pump , it didn’t do much to relieve the pressure. I tried but I have to say I didn’t care for it. When I left they gave me a manual one that I liked better. I did get a loaner machine but barely touched it. I could get him to feed during the day with bribery but at night it was far too much for me.

Again there was circumstances with that too. You see I was alone. His father was in the pysch ward and stayed there till about 2 weeks after his birth. I have 2 other kids to take care of so it was just me taking care for 3 kids after having a baby. The other kids are older but still need stuff from me, meals made, make sure homework is completed. With him being so little and not eating much meant I had to pump after anyway. Also on top of that he had the clubbed feet and came home with casts on both his legs. This made breastfeeding very awkward. It was easier to pump and feed than to actually get him on the breast and I did.....I took the easy way out and pumped for him every meal....till it got old at about 2 months of age. This was not how it was suppose to go but I need a little sanity too. Somebody did and it wasn’t their father.

I think I held up very well under the circumstances. So yeah I know I did what I could but still sad about it.