Vitamin 3- a dose of 1 in Random Thoughts

italics indicate tmi (somewhat) sexual content

Friday i started an entry, but just ended up deleting it a second ago. Its nice to start an entry that is just stream of consciousness blather. not needing to process my brain.

Weather has started getting warmer here in the greater Portland area, and i spent yesterday out almost all day. I pre-arranged this entry name because i knew i had fun, heedless, juicy words to share. blush

I had three dates in about 24 hours! Each one was fun, in it’s own way and i made a new friend!I must be making up for the years of semi-misery i had with Kevin.

1. Friday night Izak and i had a date; he made me dinner at his place. The whole experience was lovely. When i tell people about him, the best i can say is “this really interesting guy,” but that is undescriptive and does not nearly touch what i mean to say. The best i may be able to do is just give you individual sentences that may or may not go together. He lives with chronic pain, but i do not know what from. He is a classical musician and knows nothing about pop music. He grew up with a parent who was narcissistic and deals with emotional consequences of that. He is very skinny. He hasn’t been touched (the type of sensual, healing touch i have) in 7 years (i don’t know if that involves sexual touch). When he lived in Canada, he was deeply in love with and in a relationship for years with a woman who was in a wheelchair, and they could not have sex: they tried to be poly (him getting his needs met elsewhere), but she ended up being very jealous even though he never followed through with having another sexual partner. He seems very frail and shy and i am worried that i might hurt him (emotionally) so i am being very open and very honest about what i am thinking, feeling, and my situation with dating.

So, there are some bits and pieces of Izak. Now for our experiences together.

I may have mentioned that i am a very sensory person. Ultra-sensory, it seems we both are. While we haven’t engaged in traditional penetrative sex, left with just our skivvies on we have spent hours just touching one another with the lightest of fingers, tongues, teeth. I don’t know if i can explain what that touch does to me… starts me out on a path to ecstasy. My body convulses and shivers, i can’t control the moans and little animal sounds that escape my mouth. At one point my body was doing its involuntary movements that normally come out in meditation. I feel like we are on a different plane of sexuality. And. When his hands just barely touched my pussy, over the cloth of my (pink polka dotted) panties, i felt as if i could reach orgasm right there (though i didnt). And. Oh, how i wanted to take his cock in my mouth.

This is the part where i was careful, gentle, especially with my concerns about his emotional and physical well-being.

I am ok with sex, ive never felt guilty about having sex, however many partners i may have in my lifetime. In the past i may have gotten myself into some questionably ethical situation, edging, as well as crossing the lines of, cheating. Now that i am older and have learned the communication skills required, as well as being in a polyamorous situation, i have what i need to no longer be in those semi-ethical situations

So. Izak. We did not consummate the sexual act, but i would have. We did spend time talking. He wanted me to open up to him. That is always a strange question for me (it is like when Jamie says he doesn’t know me very well, even though we have been so close for these 5 months), because i feel so open all the time, like this is who i am, open for everyone.

(But i know that’s not the case. I know i keep that openness as a front for not being able to/wanting to share the vulnerable side of me)

I asked what he wanted or needed, i meant that in a general way, but i also meant it in a sexual way. He didn’t really answer, deflecting to a future time. He then, in turn, asked me the same. I told him i wanted to be gentle, open, communicative…oh, i can’t remember all i said. I wanted to convey that i wanted to make sure i was taking all his needs and wants into consideration while we navigate this new relationship we seem to be forming.

I don’t know what to say. He is not the type i would have ever seen myself with, esp with my kink bent and generally connecting with men who are more dominant in bed.

Well, ive decided instead of writing about all three of my vitamins in one entry, i will spread them out into three different entries.

oh!oh!oh! i am so gosh-darned excited to write about Kyle the PTM (Portland-Techie-Musician) and his visit to my house last night! eeek!!!!

oh my goodness, i you might say i had 4 dates, now that i think on it.

Last updated May 30, 2016