priority inspiration in 2016

7:51pm

I’m going to try to type something up real quick. Not really sure what I want to say, but I should give some sort of update. Even if there’s nothing particularly entertaining about it.

I can’t believe May is almost over. The time is going by way too fast and there are so many things I want to do that I haven’t planned yet. I have this sick feeling that the entire off-season is going to fly right by me and suddenly I’ll be thrown into work again and not know what happened.

I do actually want to accomplish things, but at the same time I really just want to sit quietly and stare at the clouds. It’s a tough call. Being an introvert and having dreams. I mean, I don’t want to waste my life, but it honestly doesn’t feel like a complete waste to sit outside and enjoy nature. It feels so freeing and beautiful. All the little moments.

Like Blue [our wild scrub jay] had babies! Well, I’m guessing his partner did. Or maybe he’s a she? I don’t know. We always assumed he was male since he spends most of his time alone. We’ve seen other blue birds around here before but I don’t ever remember seeing the babies. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. I spotted them a few weeks ago up in the trees. The call of a baby bird is pretty unmistakable.

Then a few days ago I was staring out the window and I noticed the babies were hopping around the backyard. They were so stinkin’ cute! One of them was poking at the dirt when he suddenly let his head tilt over and fell asleep. Like he just couldn’t handle all the work it took to eat bugs. Too tired; must sleep! Haha. You had to see it, it was quite hilarious.

But that’s what I mean. Moments like that? I can’t imagine considering that a waste of time. I may be one of the only people of this opinion though.

So June’s pretty much over for me too. I mean, it’s busy and has a lot of little things that need to be accomplished. I already mentioned that my brother was in the hospital. He should find out on Tuesday when his surgery will be. I’m thinking sometime in the last couple of weeks of June. Which means I’ll have to fly out and stay a while. Plus my uncle is having another brain surgery [his 4th] on the 15th or 16th of the month. And we met with our new “manager” from work the other day and he desperately wants us to attend a business meeting on the 15th, which is probably not happening. We have to set our priorities and figure out what’s possible and what’s not. It’s so hard to figure out where you should be.

I mean, I know, we should be with family. Definitely have to go with my brother. He doesn’t have anyone else. My uncle does have his own family now that can care for him, but it would be nice to be there for him too. The work thing is important, but I don’t know. We should definitely try to be there too. It’s a new group, and a new team, and they seem rather impressed with us, so we should go to show off a little and be a part of the group. It’ll be hard to manage though.

After that I don’t really have a lot of plans. My friend from up in Oregon called and started asking about trips to Iceland and wanting to know what else was on my bucketlist. Sounds like she’d really like to take a trip this year. She hasn’t been 100% physically in a while and I think she wants to take advantage of how good she feels. At the very least I think I can make a trip out to OR for some adventures. I can’t quite commit to Iceland though a few days after she mentioned it Mom got an email about a special trip to see the Northern Lights. It seemed quite perfect but I couldn’t pull the trigger by next week. I have no idea what I’m doing in September or October. I’m not good at making decisions like that without all.the.research.possible!

I’m still trying to figure out what kind of fancy camera I want to buy and I’ve been researching that for years. hah. I really do need one soon though! Because I want to take all the pictures!

We went to my college town last Thursday to celebrate my ‘cousin’s‘ graduation from the same school. It was pretty surreal to be at another graduation there. Very different from the last time! I could actually focus on and pay attention to what they were saying. ha. Weird though. I can’t believe how long it’s been and how quickly it all changed. Those were some good years though so I look on it all quite fondly.
She even ended up having her lunch/dinner thing at the same restaurant that I did! haha. Copy-cat! The old spaghetti factory is pretty good though. She said it was only because she couldn’t find a place to host 20+ people at that time of day. Whatever. We all know I just have awesome ideas! :-)

So basically it was like reliving my own graduation. Since we got there early on Thursday we did some shopping and what not before we got to the hotel. Then we hung out for a bit watching TV after we arrived and went out to dinner. This guy sat next to us in the Chili’s bar and I could have sworn it was Big Head from the Friday night hangouts. To the point where I had to stare at him and constantly glance in his direction until I was sure that it was not him, which it wasn’t. I’ve seen a recent picture so it was easier to identify, but the fact that he kept glancing in our direction did not help matters. It caused me to continue to doubt whether or not it was him. And brought all those flashbacks to when we’d hang out together. The way he walked into the psych office out of nowhere after that first meeting and said he’d recognized me from somewhere. All those random moments where our hands would get too close and we clearly had an unspoken thing going.

Ahh, the memories…

[ Then we drove back to the hotel and I stopped at a Chevron that JR recommended because his sister lives nearby. They had a huge selection of beer sold by the single bottle. I had to stop myself from grabbing more than three and then sent him a picture thanking him for the suggestion. :) ]

It mostly just reminded me of how much I miss hanging out with people my own age. I honestly haven’t made any new friends since I moved back home. There aren’t a lot of people in this town that are my age, or that I didn’t go to school with. The one friend I thought I made disappeared to Alaska and didn’t even bother to tell me he’d made it back home safely. So yeah.

I know I’m a self-proclaimed introvert. I enjoy the solitary independent life. I’m good with silence and quiet moments. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t like having friends. I need some social interaction sometimes. A little back and forth. Some witty banter. A little tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.
But I haven’t found that here. And I don’t know where to go to look for it.

Also, we drove through a heavy downpour and on the way out there were some amazing cloud formations. The kind that inspired my photography years ago. Hence why I brought this up in the first place. I haven’t felt any of that inspiration around here lately. Not in that way. Not that strongly.

There have been times, more lately, where I imagine myself moving back there. For a little while. Not forever. But just to live that life again. Although realistically I know that it won’t be the same. I won’t know the same people and I won’t live the same life. But I just want to go back to what I had. To feel that way again.

I don’t know where to find any of this though. I don’t know how to be an adult and make friends. How do y’all survive?! I need some serious help in the social department.

And here I thought I was going to make some silly ol’ connection with the ghost. [Interesting side-fact: when we were leaving town for the grad I caught sight of a Sheriff driving by on the freeway. The car wasn’t from around here and I could have sworn it named a county near where he’s at…so many thoughts rushing through this crazy brain! Darn world!]
I guess if that moment caught me unexpectedly then there’s still hope that it can happen again. At any moment. With any stranger. When you least expect it.

Oh hope. You’re still keeping me alive around here. =]

rose.
9:51pm

Last updated May 23, 2016