Oh, yeah, actual real life stuff. Funny I was talking to GF about text speak and she hadn’t heard IRL. In real life we rarely use the term in real life let alone have need for abbreviation. Just saying.
So I went to that pain management place and yeah, no. Besides being kind of foggy on the details, I’m still shocked at how unsanitary medical offices look around here. If you saw my living space, or any of my living spaces, you’d think I was being hypocritical and wonder why I don’t sleep in a hazmat suit. Fair enough, but I’m not doing surgery or making puncture wounds in anybody, except, now and again myself by accident.
I like the idea of their procedures a little bit better and may keep them in mind as a hail Mary, but I won’t get it done by them. Besides the whole dust bunny in the corner and cracked tile thing, they are shooting needles into fucking nerves. You really have to trust the motherfucker doing that in your back. At this point I’m fine without it. When it comes to ‘can’t-fuck-me-up-any-more-than-I-am I’ll go looking for a similar place with at least the discretion to pretend they have heard of the word sterile.
On their Big List Of Questions was (and is) my favorite stupid doctor paperwork trick. Do you consume Alcohol? Followed by how much? I know it’s not a trick question like Do you fuck baby seals or wait until they are grown? But it’s not that far off. I’m guessing alcoholics just plain old lie, I would. Years ago I took to making this mark < 1, meaning less than one. I’m asked what that means by people who read that stupid shit. Sometimes I add mo. I’d add month but the box is never big enough. I think they figure I’m lying, but no one has called me an alcoholic. I saw a poster in a doctors office somewhere in this area that lists two drinks a day as moderate use. I guess that could be right. I don’t know anyone who does that.
For that matter, I don’t know anyone who drinks like I do. That says a bit about who I’ve associated with most of my life up to and including today. I know full blown alcoholics and I know people in recovery (which according to AA means they are still full blown alcoholics). I guess if I talked about drinking very often I’d get a lot of fuck yous. I’d say since I’ve been here I’ve drank as often as the GF because every time she’s drank since I’ve been here has been with me. In four years we have killed one bottle of sake and two bottles of Armagnac (not all at the same time). Except I had a few beers with my daughter, Some Jameson with her ex-boyfriend (the one I like and still like, not saying I don’t like her soon to be husband. It was only the one boyfriend she had here I didn’t like, even when they were together and I was pretending to like him.). And with my siblings, most notably, shortly before my father passed and everyone was in town, including my daughter, we passed around a bottle of redbreast until it was gone. An interesting homage for my father, not exactly a tee-totaler but I never saw him finish a single drink in my lifetime or order a second.
I had brought out glasses but my daughter drank from the bottle and my brother said “No way am I going to be less macho than five foot even of niece.” He had a point. I thought it’d gauche to point out that my red breast was not chugging whiskey, but, you know, too, I wouldn’t have drank it all if they weren’t in town. My brother was still learning about whiskey. In LA he was all about the tequila. I guess that’s not the drink in his little retirement Island in Florida. My little sister who, as far as I know, only drinks when my brother or I put a bottle in her hand, will not only drink anything but appears to have a hollow leg. My daughter has some discernment but isn’t snobby, at least not about whiskey, not to the degree I am or my brother was trying to be and likely now is.
I keep promising to teach the GF about Whiskey and she keeps promising to teach me about wine and we might both secretly be relieved that those promises have yet to assert themselves. But you’ve just heard my entire drinking history for the last four years. I have an impressive collection of high end scotch, Bourbon and one or two Canadians ( the basic difference being which grain or grains are used). Most of which is unopened. It’s not a test or an investment. I like whiskey. I like drinking. I hate being drunk and drinking alone feels pretty weird. I kind of like drinking from the bottle with others, it’s very ceremonious, alone it’d be really weird and creepy feeling.
One of my nieces boyfriends used to walk around with a bottle of Jack Daniels to be cool. It was just pretentious. One day when I was tired of his shit I told him all about Jack and if he wanted to be pretentious he should try something much less cliché and a tad less redneck. He explained how he was using irony. I mildly said most of the world thinks Americans don’t understand irony. A week or two later they broke up. I’m pretty sure it was unrelated.
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