Way back in the day, you know around 2012 or so, surveys were all the rage on social media, because, god knows it’s hard to convey how much one has run out of shit to say without room temperature mommy bird chewed pap. Um, yeah, I used to take them 99 percent of the time to make fun of them, but, to be fair, I took the “Have you kissed anyone?” type of tween survey and made them macabre.
The ones that disturbed me the most and were the most challenging were the ones with endless lists of general top five (e.g. top five songs, top five movies, top five DPILTF ((dead people I’d like to fuck, I may or may not have just made that up, I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t)) top five favorite mammals, planets, vegetables, that sort of shit). It was hard to be funny especially when I’d forget the name of the French National Anthem (La Marseillaise. Og, sure, now I remember. How convenient stupid memory) and call it the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Song (which is a paraphrase from a famous prime time cartoon character). Granted nobody read my surveys with any hope (heh, I could have stopped at nobody read my surveys) but still if I didn’t make some effort what would be the point?
What would be the point indeed.
A few days ago I had that one song stuck in my head, you know, la la breakfast at tiffanys la la something about how we both kinda liked it la la la la that’s one thing we got … Yeah, you know, if I’m not going to remember the lyrics why can’t I get an instrumental stuck in my head. Like a Brahms cello concerto or something off of Blue Trane or even fucking Rhapsody in Blue (dah dah dah dah di-di-di-di-dah-dah wah wah wah waaaaah). Anyhow for the middle and/or end of this meandering diatribe (ooh, that’ll be the name of my band. We will cover Something about Breakfast at Tiffanys) Here’s my number one song for kicking out Breakfast at Tiffanys from my head;
Just because I like this song doesn’t mean you have to. You could like the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Song. You could also fuck right off too. Both are acceptable options, you might even have alternative ideas. We will take them under advisement and get back to you.
Oh. So my amazon prime account insisted I listen to Bob Dylans new album. Being a long time Dylan fan I was expecting to hate it on first listen through and then warm up to it. The fuck. It’s folky covers of old standards, torch ballads and such. It’s like going to the Lourve and discovering a Fucking Warhol exhibit; you’re salvating for great art and get someone making fun of art in general. It’s like going to a book reading of your favorite author and having them read a survey they wrote for MySpace (a popular web site in the way back age before you were born kids).
Several years ago I was at this one Arlo Guthrie concert in a very intimate venue and he says “I was playing Houston and this friend of mine says ‘Hey Arlo, you’re booked the same night as Dylan is crosstown. Who’s gonna come see you?’ And I says to him ‘Folks who want to hear some good old Dylan tunes.’” Ok, I’m paraphrasing a bit because my memory is foggy, but that’s pretty dang close.
It’s hard to stay relevant, that’s why you gotta be good and god damned relevant the first time. I think conventional wisdom says that means you gotta do a lot of surveys. Remember kids, wisdom doesn’t need a qualifier, adjective or adverb. It’s either wisdom or it’s not.
EDIT
Um, I had to look up that stupid song. The following one is also very good for kicking breakfast at tiffanys out and it’s the same theme and even catchier.
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