Now Comes The Scary Part in Scottish Meanderings

Surprise meal went off okay. The birthday boy did not suspect a thing and neither did my sister-in-law (his wife Margaret) - I had mistakenly thought she was in on the secret so it was a shock for both of them when they walked in and saw all of us standing at the table shouting "Surprise!" It took him a wee while to work out whose birthday it was for and he was in shock for the first half of the meal I think!

Here he is contemplating if he has enough puff to blow out the two sparkler candles.


He made it!


And with the main instigator of the whole thing - my sister Lorna.



The title refers to the fact that my counselling course is now finished - we had the very last training weekend this past weekend. Strangely I had the utmost difficulty getting up on both mornings - I think subconsciously my body knew it was at the last stretch and there wasn't the same push to get up and at it so to speak. When I mentioned this to others in the group they said they had felt exactly the same.

It was quite emotional at the end - I think because of the nature of the course we had all got quite close anyway but also because of the growth we could see in each other as the course progressed.

First thing in the morning and last thing in the afternoon of each training day we had what's sometimes called an *Encounter Group* or *Big Group*. It's where we would all sit together and say whatever was on our mind, the idea being we got to learn how to offer the core conditions in person-centred counselling, discuss our fears/worries/joys and find out how to cope with situations there instead of in the counselling room with a client.

On the very last morning we gathered for the Encounter Group as usual and in the last half hour of it we had begun to talk about what the course had meant to us. Caroline, who has been on quite a journey for the last 5 years, began to speak but the emotion of the moment got to her and she had to really fight for control, trying not to break down in front of us. It was evident how much of a struggle this was for her and she must have sat there for a good 5-10 minutes desperately trying not to cry. Occasionally she would get a few words out and then the emotion would take over again. We made sure she had tissues and waited.

As I sat there I was gradually aware of this beautiful supportive environment being created for her - something that felt warm, caring, almost cocooned in one sense - and it struck me that this would not have happened six months ago. We would all have been really uncomfortable in that ensuing silence, desperate to 'rescue' her, jumping in, talking about 'safe' subjects until she could gain enough control to speak. But now we felt able to just be there for her – to be ready to walk beside her in her pain no matter what that entailed and feel secure in that. It became something really beautiful and I was quite overwhelmed by it.

It wasn't until afterwards that I noticed one of the trainers wiping away tears and just before the group finished, she admitted that she, too, had been very moved by that moment and felt privileged to be part of it.

It was sad to know that this part of our training had come to an end. Some of us will cross paths at the Agency as we do our counselling but some are off to different branches in other areas so won't. However we've created a group e-mail and are going to arrange a get together pretty soon to make sure we keep in touch.

And yesterday afternoon I received a letter from the Agency to say I'd passed the course! Yay! And also - OMG! Because that means as soon as my PVG paperwork comes through and I've undergone the induction process I'll be matched with my first client! Which is a bit scary. But exciting as well.

Doubly daunting for me as this is my second 'shot' at this having originally trained way back in 2000 but only undertaking 2 years of practice afterwards. The initial nerves never really left me and I moved away from it to do adult literacy tutoring instead. I subsequently did more training in alcohol counselling, bereavement counselling and transactional analysis but always shied away when it came to the practice, terrified I wouldn't enjoy it again.

I'm just so glad I took the plunge to return to it again last year, having asked for advice as to whether I needed to go right back to the beginning again and re-train. It was suggested that this course would be perfect for me, getting me back up to speed again whilst building up confidence at the same time.

I was so worried I wouldn't have the stamina to do it but I managed to attend every session, only once falling behind with the coursework but catching up the following week. There was no doubt some afternoons were a struggle to keep my eyes open and feedback on practice sessions could produce a rollercoaster of emotions but on the whole I found it stimulating - it *did* build up my confidence and it made me realise I could probably cope with returning to a part-time job now. I doubt I'd be applying for jobs at the moment if I hadn't gone through that experience.

But I'm so pleased I didn't have to deal with starting a job while still doing coursework - that would have been a nightmare - although going back to work might cause a conflict now that I've been allocated a day and time for practice - but I'm not going to know that until I actually *get* a job so I don't think there's any point in worrying about that at this stage. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. *If* I come to it.


I've now managed to reduce the dosage of 1 of the drugs I'm taking in half and another one to almost half. That's taken me over a ***year*** to get that far. It's so depressing. But I suppose at least it's going in the right direction.


I've recently discovered *Breaking Bad*. I didn't watch it when it was on the telly but we were talking about good series to watch at the writing group recently and someone mentioned it finding it difficult to describe which piqued my interest so I went online to check it out and became hooked! I've been watching a couple of episodes a night while I've been having my tea.

The problem with that is that I'm now on Season Five and it's getting near the end. And every bloody episode is finishing on a cliffhanger, making it impossible to leave it knowing if I just wait a few seconds the next one will start. Last night - or rather this morning - I was up until 2 a.m. desperately trying to tear myself away!

What makes it worse is that before I went to sleep the other night I started watching Blooper reels for the show which led on to interviews with the cast etc. etc. Then suddenly I realised I was watching something which had been aired *after* the show finished and therefore I knew how it all ended which you'd think would have spoiled it for me but it hasn't - it's just made me desperate to find out how it got to that point!

That's the downside of not watching something when everyone else is - you can't go around saying "OMG! Did you see last night's episode??! I sure never saw that coming!"

So I'm away to ensure that I'm very strict with myself tonight because I need to be up at a reasonable time tomorrow morning. Nikki's going away with a friend for a long weekend and I've promised I'll go and help to look after Lilah while she packs (Lily's at nursery all morning). Wish me luck!

(And apologies to Pelican Begin Again - I promised her I'd include pics of the girls in this entry but I've rambled on too much as usual so it's going to have to be a rollover promise! Definitely next time!)