Everyone at the apartment, with the exception of my daughter, is depressed. Life is really hard to handle right now. My mother is sick with a number of ailments, my husband is perpetually suffering from migraines among other issues, and I am all over the place with mood swings and panic. I’ve taken to drinking on the weekend evenings, and looking forward to those times all week. I think I’m going to quit for a while. I don’t want to become an alcoholic, even if it’s only on the weekends.
My car needed work yesterday that cost $300 to repair. Thank goodness for my aunt coming to the rescue on that one. Financially we are drowning right now. But really, it’s as always. We need to make a financial plan and stick to it. What’s been going on since my brother-in-law moved out, and my mother moved in is just irresponsible chaos.
I’ve also been toying with the idea of making daily, weekly, and monthly goal lists to keep my mind on track. I’m all over the place because I don’t have a personal plan to make things better. I want to work on that today to implement it tomorrow.
We need to progress towards our goal of moving next year. It’s the only things that’s going to save us from this abysmal existence. Lillian’s childhood is being ruined by our dire situations, financially, mentally, and emotionally. It’s ridiculous and not fair for her. Her well being is the most important aspect of my life, and I’m dropping the ball due to my own psychological issues. I don’t want this.
She made me some cool Mother’s Day gifts this year. I wish I had a desk at work to display them. Oh well, I’ll have to find a place for them here that I can see them every day to remind me to keep pushing forward towards the light. I’ve been in the darkness too long, and dragging everything down with me. It’s time to get out of this hole. I don’t want to feel lost anymore.
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