crazy relief! in 2016

9:20pm

I’m slightly distracted by dancing with the stars right now but I figured I may as well start this. Not like it really matters when I finish and post.

I think I ate too many fish tacos. Six. Plus two plain tortillas because they are eff-ing delicious and I had a huge craving during the middle of the day. They are actually quite tiny, so I don’t feel too terrible about it. The crazy part is that I’m still hungry. Like I could probably eat another six if I wanted to. Thank God for self-control! Although I feel better than I have in a long while, and I’m gaining confidence in my own skin, I could still stand to lose a few pounds. So I’ll probably nix the idea of those extra six tacos, and the ice cream I have sitting in the fridge.

Ha. I just remembered JR sent me a text a couple of hours ago asking if I missed him yet…and I didn’t respond. haha! I was on the phone with my brother and then I just wasn’t up for it. We kind of had some intense moments the other day. Because I’ve been doing a serious amount of work for him and other than feeling underappreciated, I’ve also been totally annoyed. I’ve never worked so hard for something that I was going to get zero reward out of.

So the other day when he came in, and suddenly tried to put more work into my pile, I made him do it himself. Oh, you should have seen him! I got way too much pleasure out of watching him take like 20 minutes to sort some freakin’ statements. It would have taken me about five, but I don’t even care. I’m sick of doing all this work. It’s not like he’s paid me in months! Plus, it was the fact that a lot of that work I’d already done. They keep asking for the same stuff over and over again and that’s so frustrating. I even let some f-words slip on total accident. I was that upset. Then the next day he called/texted/etc and I didn’t have my phone so he got a hold of mom. When I finally talked to him he acted all annoyed then completely ignored my advice and made it seem like I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve worked hard on this s*it and it hurts to watch him throw it away. This is my baby. My project. And I want him to do it right. That’s all.

But in reality, it’s not mine. He has to make the decisions. So I snapped back kind of quickly, but mostly nicely. He sent me some texts later and I took a while to respond. The 1st one was one of those “thanks for all your help” ones that does not fix the issues. So I said something about hating to say I told you so. Didn’t hear from him all weekend. This morning he asked a quick question then nothing. I saw online that he’d actually done some work on his own [shocker! it is possible!] and then he sent that last text that I didn’t respond to. Make him stew. ;]

I don’t even feel bad about it.

And I went off on a tangent there so I’m not even sure if I want to continue writing here. I’ll type and see if I cut it.

In other news: I got that phone call today!!!

I ended up sending him a reply e-mail last night. Stuff about how he didn’t need to apologize and I figured he was out of service. A couple of jokes in my traditional witty style and that I’d call tomorrow [today.]
This morning, sometime after I’d gotten up, I checked and there was a reply. He said he was in classes all day but he’d return my call on a break or lunch. Told me to have a great day but didn’t joke in response. Most people can’t handle the witty repertoire though, no worries there. ;)

I knew I should have gone into the office by noon, but I’d been planning on 1pm. We had breakfast and we watered plants, and we watched The Letters. Then we took showers and got ready to go.
Of course when I got there there was a message. I recognized the number [different area code] but there were no words. Then I started thinking about the time it said and it wasn’t from the night before. Checked caller id, he’d just called like 20 minutes prior. Damnit. I knew it!

So I called back relatively quickly but it was too late. The call went straight to voicemail [his vm and I are pretty great friends at this point]. I stumbled through a message because I wasn’t prepared. hah. Blurted something about being in the office and hope he could call on a break.

Sorta expected him to call around 3ish. That seemed like a good break time. But nope. I ended up writing bills, reconciling numbers, and sorting files for the next few hours. =|

He didn’t call until around 5pm. [After a bunch of calls that kept getting my heart rate up and turning out to be random people.] He sounded older on the phone. Is it weird that I noticed that? Because I mean, yeah, he’s like 10 yrs my senior, but I didn’t notice that in person.

Anyway, we chatted while I loaded his account. Turns out he was definitely spending his vacation in the middle of nowhere. On his “family’s property” near here. He spent the whole time “building things, working on the ranch, outdoors” and whatever else he mentioned that I couldn’t focus on because MY GOSH! That’s like my dream come true. Major swooning going on. But I had to concentrate enough to reply and keep a conversation going.

I wanted to tell him how desperately jealous I was but I didn’t get the chance to say it in so many words. I definitely worked my hand on making him feel guilt for disappearing on me. And making me sit at the office all afternoon on my vacation day. All that. And when I mentioned heading to vegas as my first vacation, he suddenly got all protective and told me to be careful. Told me a story about his partner at work who had gone recently and someone died on a plane ride. It’s a whole story that isn’t really mine to tell.

It was interesting the way he sounded so protective though. He’s done that several times already. Just the whole “be careful” thing. It must be part of the job, or something. Like the way he calls me “ma’am” ugh. I know it’s a part of his manners and that whole thing, but dude! I’m younger than you are! Don’t make me feel so old. hah. In reality he doesn’t say it in that sorta way, but still. He said it when we finally hung up the phone about 10 minutes later.

I kept him on the line until stuff was processed [maybe longer? ;]. He eventually asked if we’d be around this week and then said he’d call Wednesday around noon. I told him that everything was probably alright. He said I could call today in the next couple of hours, but I didn’t. I have to assume that he knows that no call from me means everything’s alright. Not sure that he’ll call Wednesday. I won’t expect it.

Honestly, I don’t really expect to ever hear from him again. He’s not going to come back, and he’s not from here. There’s no reason for us to keep in touch after this. Other than like personal stuff, which is in his court. I’m not going to make the mistake of chasing this time.

So we’ll see how it goes. I made all the jokes. I half-flirted enough to where I could still be considered professional. I kept him on the phone. I small-talked. I pointed out that the world works in mysterious ways and things happen for a reason. I did everything I could.

And that’s all. I’ll move on from this one. The same way I move on from all the clients I work with [not that I ever make this kind of contact with any of them]. I’m letting the world work itself out on this one. I learned my lesson last time. Spent way too much time on something that didn’t exist. I won’t do that again.

So we’ll see.

rose.
10:44pm

Last updated May 03, 2016