wtf k&p (Keanu spoilers) in Procrastination Journal

Yesterday, I asked my dad if we could go to Cracker Barrel because I had a hankerin for some Cracker Barrel but didn’t want to pay for it/go by myself.

My aunt’s friend has a retirement job there, we met her there.

And then since the movie theater is right across the street from the restaurant, my dad said, “See what time that Key and Peele movie is playing, I want to see that.”

Now, Sasha told me about Keanu and I was like “is this even real!? please let this be real!” but then I had forgotten about it. Anyway, it came out yesterday so I went to see it with my dad.

Hmm… It was alright. It wasn’t as good as their show. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 75% which is about 15% more than I’d give it. But I liked it.

Actually, no, it should get a few extra points because despite of things not ending up perfectly for the main characters, nothing bad happens to Keanu himself.

This is important to me. I usually avoid movies with animals in them because usually something bad happens to the animal. And by something bad, I mean:
1. Animal dies
2. Someone abuses the animal
3. Something else bad happens to animal
4. animal is deceived
5. Someone the animal loves dies
6. Animal is confused because a bad thing happened and it doesn’t understand
HOWEVER, Keanu gets a gold star because nothing bad happens to the kitty. There are gangsters, druggies, break-ins, car chases, shoot-outs–
Everyone LOVES this damn cat, so NOTHING HAPPENS to this damn cat, not even by accident.

Let me say things that were not good about this movie
1. Not enough Method Man
2. Not enough Nia Long
3. Didn’t figure out what the white man did to Nia Long (I forget both of their names)
4. In the beginning sequence the kitten is walking around town and it looks like he grows up into a cat. But no.
5. Kitten’s name was not in the first part of the credits so I left before knowing what the kitten was called. It should’ve been right after Key & Peele. Even if it was animated for some parts.
6. I just looked on imdb and the kitten’s name is not easily findable
7. Could’ve done a lot more with the whole George Michael thing
8. Boobs was the only reason this was rated R. Also, how do they get their boobs to stay up like that? I’m 26 but I have the boobs of a postmenopausal woman. That is not fair.
9. was very predictable i.e. who is a cop and who will be shipped with whom and who’s gonna die
10. Actually, there was one part where they met the scary guys and shot them, but then they GOT BACK UP, and were shot again— the second time they stayed down!?? and this was not explained!??? or even worried about ever again…?!??

Okay, update: http://www.vulture.com/2016/04/lets-talk-about-the-kittens-of-keanu.html

Good things about Keanu
1. Keanu
2. That link says that 7 different real kittens were used and 0 CGI kittens were used.
3. I was right about the ship
4. Cool, recognizable celebs like Nia Long, Method Man, Will Forte, Anna Faris, Luis Guzman, and Keanu Reeves (!!).
4a. Okay some of those ppl only black people know.
5. They said “Liam Neesons” and I was the only one in the theater that got it (there were like 12 ppl in there tops, though)
6. There was a snake.
7. Will Forte had cornrows and that was hilarious because white people + black hairstyles = comedy
8. kitties!!!
9. CUTE KITTIES RE-ENACTING MOVIE SCENES
10. callback jokes
11. Key
12. Peele
13. Kittens with bling and du-rags!!!

All in all i would say

Please do not spend money to see this movie, unless it’s like $5 Tuesday or something